I just created this amount a couple of minutes ago. I was trying to go to bed but I can't. Heavy thoughts are on my mind about who I am? I think I'm a lesbian but I'm just not sure. When I was younger, I remember finding my Dad's "magazines" and couldn't help myself from going back to look at them again. When I was in kindergarten, I liked my best friend. I even tried to kiss her! She thought I was being funny... Over the years, I've been telling myself I'm straight. Maybe it has to do with my religious family or how I'm scared what others will think, but I do like guys though. I'm sexually attracted to them but any time I'm with a guy, I also imagine how it would be if I was with a girl. Am I bi? This is confusing. I wish I just knew how to identify myself. My lesbian friend always jokes with me and tells me I'm a lesbian and that I need to come out. That's mainly due to the fact that I like sports and I'm pretty athletic. But maybe she has a point? Any advice is welcome!
No, I haven't. The thing is that when I go out, I don't search for a female. I wouldn't mind trying but I feel like it's not easy to find someone who would just want to experiment with you. I'm also not comfortable with my friends and family knowing that I'm trying to experiment.
Coming to terms with your sexuality can take a while, or almost no time at all. Some people don't even consider themselves to have a sexuality. My point is that sexuality is a detailed manner, but that doesn't mean that you have to quickly label and identify yourself, especially in a time when you are confused or trying to figure everything out. Straight, gay, bisexual; there are many other sexualities as well, but what they all have in common is that they are just words to better describe and simplify what your attraction is. And it's okay not to know what your attraction is; there is no need to rush, or to plainly and simply say that you're straight, bisexual, or lesbian. I would consider paying attention to those small things that you normally don't pay much mind; who you find pretty/attractive, where your eyes go in a crowd, or what you think about- like how you mentioned you've imagined what it would be like to be with a girl. It probably hasn't helped that you've been pushing yourself to the conclusion that you're straight for all these years, but it's never too late to realize what you want and who you're attracted to. You talked about how you have a lesbian friend; have you ever considered having a serious talk with her about your questioning sexuality? She may be joking now, but is there a possibility she could really help you? Talking to her could be amazingly helpful, especially if she's a good friend of yours that you can openly talk to. As for how she might have a point of you being a lesbian just because you play sports and are athletic do not put much trust in such saying; it is true that it is common for lesbians to be more athletic/like sports, but at the same time it's only a stereotype. People are breaking stereotypes everyday, and there are certainly lesbians out there that hate sports. If you try to start drawing conclusions I would base it on your feelings and thoughts of other females, not that you play sports or fit other stereotypes of being a lesbian. There is good reason to be scared when you are confused and have a religious family. Religious family wise I'm in the same boat as you; it is okay to feel fearful or anxious. But do not let that get in the way of trying to find out what you desire or who you are attracted to. I think I have said all the advice I can give from the information you've posted so far. I hope that you have found it helpful, but also know that this is EC and me as well as many others are always open to talk (*hug*)
