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Ever been so sure about it, but then you realize you were living a lie?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by NicoleV96, Apr 20, 2013.

  1. NicoleV96

    NicoleV96 Guest

    Has there ever been a time where you thought you were something, and then you think a lot one day, and it leads you down a completely different life choice you never thought you would make?

    The problem for me was, I came out at age 11 as lesbian. I was so sure of it. I grew up being lesbian. Now I'm 16, I was still classifying myself as lesbian, until 2 days ago when my friends randomly brought up the thought of being with a guy. Then I started thinking.. what's my reason for not being with guys. I never looked at guys in a way where I would want to date them or be with them, but then that one random question that they brought up, made me really think. Well, is it possible I like guys too, was I just subconsciously pushing away any feelings I had towards guys in order to confirm myself as lesbian? So I thought and thought and thought, until I realized that, when I really thought about it, guys aren't really all that bad. I think my problem was, when I came out, I was really young. Some people do know for sure at that age exactly what they are and what they want, but maybe at that time I was pushing guys away because the only ones that ever liked me I never found attractive, and the ones I did like, didn't find me attractive, so therefore I just completely disregarded the existence of guys as boyfriends, and regarded them as only friends. Then from that age, I got older, I had a girlfriend before I went to high school, and then I had another girlfriend in high school after that. I don't think I was thinking about guys because if from a young age, I was already pushing them away, well, that's probably what happened as I got older. I feel like, now, if I really look back, every time I thought "wow, that's a cute boy" I would follow that by "If I were straight, I'd probably want to talk to him, but I'm not." And I think I was trying to deny the fact that, yes, there is a like for guys that I just denied because I thought I was so sure about being lesbian that I thought it was impossible for me to like guys. Thinking about this over the past few days has led me to the conclusion that I am now bi-romantic asexual. I feel a huge weight lifted off me, almost as if I really have finally figured everything out. I don't have to fit into liking one sex, and not worry about seeing a guy and immediately doubting my sexual orientation. Now I'm sure of what I am and who I like, and I'm very happy with what I've discovered. I was so sure about being lesbian that I didn't want anything to change, because, well I feel like in a way, sexual orientation isn't something you change. But, at the same time, it never really changed, I just repressed thoughts and never gave myself an opportunity to even sit down and think about it more and confirm it. Now I know for sure what I am, who I like, and everyone I know that I've told about this is extremely happy for me, and they said they never really thought I'd last really long with a girl, and they think it's cuter if I'm with a guy. Not one person so far has said anything otherwise. I'm just happy with this and everything else, and everything seems so clear :icon_bigg
     
  2. sillyolme

    Full Member

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    I guess your sexual orientation doesn't really change. It's ingrained into you. However, how you identify as you find out more about yourself, does. For example, When you are young, you find certain aspects of maths and education hard (Bear with me here) but as you grow to understand it more, it gets easier. It's not the maths changing, its you understanding it better. Do you get where I'm coming from?

    Personally, I am going through the initial part of discovering myself. Sexuality and the fact that I am queer is all very new to me. I tell my friends that I am one thing and then change it the next week as I discover that I am wrong.