OK, I am a 15 year old boy with accepting friends, and accepting family. 18 of my friends know I'm "bi", 2 members of my family know that I am "bi". The reason I put that in quotes is because I am unsure. I am honestly willing, and ready to fully accept my sexuality, whatever it is. It's just that I'm not even sure what to fully accept! :bang: haha When I masturbate: I only think of boys. I only want to have sex with boys. And for a while, I only wanted to be in a relationship with girls, but now I want both, and I actually want to date a boy right now. I honestly can't think of any girl I want to date right now...I don't know if I'm gay and I've finally gotten to the point of where I only want to date boys, or if I truly am bi and just want a boy since I've never had one before. In my opinion; sexuality isn't just determined on sexual preference, but on romantic too. If sexuality is only determined by sexual preference, then I am gay. If it is a complicated mixture, I THINK I am bi, might still be gay. I just really need some :help: ASAP. I am ready to start accepting, it's just I want to know what to accept! And I know I am young and have time to figure things out, but I want to know ASAP. Thank you SO much to whoever helps me, and let me know if you need any more details/info
I'm gonna say right off the bat that sexual orientation is a confusing thing. Nobody can seem to get a good handle on it (which is why there's controversy about it everywhere), and it's a totally subjective thing with objective traits. I don't know how familiar you are with the Kinsey scale, but Dr. Kinsey, despite his criticism against some things he's said, created this scale from 0-6, 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual. Most people end up somewhere in between those parameters, from 1-5. So what's really left for you to see is where in that scale you lie. Sexual orientation isn't locked in exact places at all.
It may be helpful for you to separate romantic and sexual orientation. If you don't agree with doing that it's cool too, but it's a thought. From what you describe I'd say you are homosexual biromantic meaning you are romantically drawn towards both men and women, but sexually drawn towards only men. If you are bi on either or both of these it doesn't have to be split 50/50 either by the way. I myself for example am thinking that I am bisexual biromantic,pretty 50/50 on sexual attraction, but leaning more towards homoromantic than heteroromantic since I'd rather have a relationship with a woman.
I definitely come from the view that sexual orientation = sexual attraction. I don't even include the romantic part. It is a very narrow definition and has helped me find clarity. Essentially, it comes down to which gender "turns you on." Which gender turns your head. Which gender do you desire physically and sexually. Who do you fantasize about? Of course I can experience emotional/romantic feelings towards girls, but sexually it is as exciting as a cardboard box. So yes, by that narrower definition you seem gay and not bi. For most relationships, especially in the under 35 crowd, sex is an important part of a relationship. It is NOT the only requirement, but I come from the view that healthy relationships are based on strong emotional/romantic AND sexual attraction. You can't have one without the other or else the relationship wanes. You can safely label yourself "gay" but acknowledge the possibility of that rare girl. It's not like if you label yourself gay that you are forever limited to just guys. You label yourself that based on your current feelings and sometimes feelings can change.
