Hello once again Empty Closets members! Over the last couple months I started to get very anxious about my sexuality and where I was on the spectrum. It was a rough ride at first, with a lot of denial and attempts at feeling "regular" and "myself" again. The result was that I tried to scoff at the thought of finding guys attractive, and tried to convince myself that every girl I saw was sexy or cute or what have you. Anyways, at this point I've come to the temporary conclusion (lol) that I am sexually attracted to guys, I think even more so than girls. However, I am not romantically attracted to them in the slightest. I have few good guy friends, and I am very close with them, but I've never had feelings or had a crush on a guy my entire life. All that aside, I was wondering a couple things. Firstly, is it possible to be a hetroromantic homosexual? And secondly, given that I've never gotten a crush on a guy or had those kind of feelings for a guy while still being close with a few guys, is there any possibility I could be completely gay and just have yet come to terms with it? Thanks everyone
Hi Nice Guy, I'd say your story sounds pretty familiar to many of us. From total denial to bi and in some (most?) cases on to gay. At least that's my story. The split you speak of is absolutely my story. I am romantically drawn to women, yearn for them, want to bond with them (and I did). I even enjoyed sex with them. Pretty early on I knew I was at the very least bi, and that's sorta where I left it for many, many years. And I never actually had sex with men. I think I didn't want to chance, because I knew it was what I really wanted. In the ast few months I have finally acknowledged that I was gay. I still can hardly believe it. I wake up in the morning and deny it many days. But as I reflect on it, I know it's true. And like you, I don't find myself checking out men the way I have always checked out women. I'm not turned on by many men I know. If I were in a group of people, say at work or a party, I'd probably see at least one or two women I found attractive and zero men. That's what made it all so confusing to me and what allowed me to deny the truth for so long. I like women, but my deepest desires are for sex with men. It takes a lot of getting used to. I hope you come along for the ride and have a good time discovering who you are. Cheers, Bill
I do believe it is possible to be a heteroromantic homosexual, but I also think that its very common for people in the early stages of coming out to falsely attribute that label to oneself. The far more plausible scenario is that you were raised being told that you should be in a relationship with women, so that's how you pictured your future relationships throughout your entire life. It was taboo to think of having one with a guy or even unthought of at all. I think its far more likely that it just takes a while to adjust to viewing men as potential romantic partners. That was the case for me when I first started exploring my sexuality. Give it some time before you shut yourself down to the possibility of dating a man.
Thanks for the responses guys! I feel like I should clarify - I have also been sexually attracted to/turned on by girls in the past, I was just wondering if that was a possible orientation. I feel like I've spent too much time on this topic expecting the answer to just suddenly appear and for me to feel okay. But then I realized that the only reason I'm feeling uneasy about it is because I don't want to come to terms with it myself. I know that I am turned on by guys, but I also know that I am turned on by girls and that I love my current girlfriend. And hey, if it turns out that I'm only interested in guys at some point, so be it! I just have to relax and not let it get to me so much Thanks again!
