( This isn't really a rant- or much of anything, but it's nice to spread my cyberwings for a while and write. ) So, I'm in 8th grade (going to highschool next year) and have yet to solidify an orientation. I feel like two people, a lot of the time. I have my straighter self, and my gayer one. I spend way too much time thinking about it, obviously. I look at guys, and admire them openly with my friends.. but I can never imagine it going anywhere, or progressing a relationship. When I'm with guys, I feel gross and self conscious. I feel inadequate, and I hate that feeling. That being said, there are no girls that spark an interest. I do like girls, there is an iminent attraction to the same sex, but I don't find many people attractive.. and that makes me wonder if I'm straight and in denial, or if I'm forcing it when I do check out a girl. I drive myself crazy thinking about it, really. I went to the store today with my mom and little sister, and saw a (quite obviously) gay couple... My heart swelled, and I was so happy. I felt proud, which is a lot to say for me. They just looked so happy, it's like that feeling when you see an old couple. It's very sweet. Where I live, it's kind of a big deal to be gay, or anything really. The population is very static, white, etc. Which I never noticed, before going on a school trip to Washington, DC. It was so interesting to see so many different people, it was quite unlike anything I had seen before. There was so much culture.. (to me anyway..) Well, I have gone off on a tangent, so I think I will end my post before I tell my life's story. Is this typical? To be so avidly interested, yet confused, to say the least? :icon_redf
