Hi guys- I am new to this site! I am really really confused right now. For most of my life, I've been pretty good at convincing myself that I was straight. I grew up in a very strict, emotionally abusive family environment, where I had to be what my parents wanted me to be. Basically perfect. I wore dresses, makeup, did ballet, etc. I always got attention for my looks and because to my female peers I seemed weird (I think because I was attracted to them) they usually didn't accept me, I felt like acting flirtatious and girly was a way of not being isolated, and being liked. I felt safe. I always had a hard time fitting in, and I think it might be because of my orientation, though admitting it makes me feel sick. I do not know if I am strong enough to go out into the world, and face potential judgement every day. It scares me. I do think that so much of the time, flirting with guys was just how I got attention. I thought they were cute, and was always flattered to get attention, but the idea of having sex with them...? I wasn't sure of. I recently went to a party. I am still confused though! For the most part I have avoided any kind of sexual anything with guys or girls because my family basically thinks sex is 'bad'. At this party I kissed a girl for the first time and it was amazing. I kissed a guy, and as usual, it was 'ehhh ok'. I thought he was very cute, and liked dancing with him....we fooled around a bit, and....gosh, it was ok. Fun. It wasn't bad. I mean, I thought he was cute, but I just wasn't overwhelmed by him. And he was the cutest guy at the party. So basically, I am not sure if I am into guys at all? I have this weird thing where I will find a guy attractive, but once a guy is naked, I get this sort of "Oh, crap, what am I supposed to do with this thing?" (not to be crude, but that's really what I think!). It's uncomfortable, and definitely not like plain exciting and "I wanna go for it" kind of thing. There is a lot of fear and even this feeling of being a little 'grossed out' once he's naked. One guy told me that is normal, at first, once but I don't know. I am not sure if this is lack of experience (I've never had sex, with a male or female) 'not the right guy' or just not being into guys. I feel bad, because they always seem so excited and I'm just like, "mehhh"- or thinking "this is weird" and I feel rude. Don't know if st8 girls feel that way though. Maybe sometimes. Mostly though I don't know if I've convinced myself that I'm into guys because it feels safer socially, and is also an ego boost? I love it when cute guys are into me, it's even kind of a turn on, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them- sometimes even the thought of it isn't that great, like "ugh". I just think the only way to summarize it is I like cute guys but I loooove cute girls. Shit! Does anyone know what this feels like? I am beyond confused! When I think about sleeping with women, it just sounds good and right. I think I really do feel ashamed though. I am so scared to just go for it with women, and even more to define myself as 'gay'. It seems like 'bisexual' is so acceptable, and I think a lot of women are bisexual. But lately, I've been wondering...am I even that? I've never looked at a guy naked and felt like "Wow, I am soooo turned on right now" though I have thought, "Wow, that guy is hot!" when seeing a guy who has a nice body dressed and feeling kind of turned on....? Any thoughts? I would soo appreciate it! :icon_bigg
Your sexuality sounds pretty similar to mine. I wish I could help you, but I don't have any experience with girls. When I had a boyfriend I remember enjoying holding his hand and cuddling, but I didn't enjoy kissing him and I definitely did not want to french kiss with him.
The first part I can completely relate to. I can look at a guy and think "wow he's hot" and be excited about looking at him, but it doesn't actually turn me on. I coasted along dating guys for 20 years like that. Ultimately no one here can tell you if you're Bi or gay, but you are definitely in the right place to figure it out. :welcome: to EC!
Yes, the same is true for many men, including myself. I could be at a party and find several of the women very hot and barely notice what any of the men look like. But later that night, I would rather be in bed with one of the men. It was very confusing. Is STILL very confusing. I watched a movie tonight and thought, "Wow, that Julianne Moore is so gorgeous. Do I really want to say goodbye to sleeping with women.?" And the answer is yes, as gorgeous as I find her, I'm not terribly interested in sex with women. When I relax, and just think about what turns me on, I immediately start to think about men.
I know exactly how you feel. When I am with a guy, I often find myself laughing if they are naked (which isnt too great for them, but.. It's just... there.) Only difference is I don't find them hot. If a guy has abs or whatever and my friends around me remark on his hotness, I will just think "Really? Um.. Okay then..." In regards to kissing them, its nice, but it's like I'm kissing anyone, really. However, with girls, I havnt kissed one yet, but, on several occasions, I have felt this urge to kiss them, which never has happened with a boy. Ever. I can look at girls on the internet and completly melt over them In regards to you feeling ashamed, there is no need. It's how you were born and there is nothing wrong with not liking boys but girls instead. If you feel like you are not physically attracted to boys, then please don't pretend you are. I have been asked by a previous boyfriend if I was attracted to him and I lied with gritted teeth. It felt horrible Just be yourself. Who cares what others think?
I know how you are feeling. For two to three years, I felt like I was completely gay, but now that I'm growing up, I feel that I'm attracted to all sexes, no matter what. It's probably just a phase. You'll grow out of it.
I'm sorry, but no. However, what you THINK you might be can change. Sexuality is not something that you can pass off as a phase and people could get very offended if you said this to them. A phase is like a fashion that changes. Sexuality is not that. Sorry if this doesn't make total sense
First, congratulations on admitting to your attractions, that's a big step. Bisexuality does not demand that everyone who is bisexual must be equally interested in men and women. Some bisexuals prefer one over the other, although as a bisexual they would be content with being with either. Personally, I identify more with this. I can find many women attractive, but, while I can imagine myself being intimate with either sex, the "physical" element of relationships is always more intense for men than it is for women for myself. Some of what you are describing could possibly be denial of your true feelings - your upbringing may account for this. In that case, you could be gay/lesbian but not yet feel comfortable enough calling yourself that. Fear of sex is actually I think more common than people realize - your uneasiness may well be a result of a lack of relationship experience. This is why it's generally a good idea to get to really know and trust those you are intimate with. So, you could be bi, you could be gay. I wouldn't try labeling yourself - go with what makes you feel good, not what you think others will like. If being with a woman sounds good to you, then go for it. If being with a man sounds fine, then go for that.
Hi, This is my first post on this site and I'm relieved to hear that people are in very similar situations to me. I'm 21 and starting to think I'm bisexual. Can anyone please talk to me and help me find my feet. Thank you x
Wow, thanks for all of the answers, especially Silloleme (we have a lot in common lol) and wrhla (yeah it IS confusing). I was a little offended by Ettina's response, that felt like a big judgement, especially considering I am not really ok with being gay (I know that sucks, but it's where I'm at right now). Mostly considering you don't know me so...yeah I just hate being labeled. I am the only one who knows me. However, it was helpful to hear others' responses, and being able to relate (I'm not the only one...that's good!). Overall, thanks guys!
