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What can I do?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lucy13, Apr 27, 2013.

  1. Lucy13

    Regular Member

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    Hello everyone, I'm new here, I hope I can get along with you people :slight_smile:

    Well, my umm, problem is that right now I'm totally falling for this girl at the university. She's a lesbian, she confessed that to me a few days ago, and then after a long time hiding some stories about my life, I ended up telling her about a "crush" I had had on a girl who's a really close friend of mine. I had never talked about those feelings with anyone, just with this new lesbian chick I met. Now, as she is the only one who knows about my little secret, I can not stop thinking that I made a mistake talking about it with her. Even before she told me she was a lesbian, I had already suspected it and I even thought for a moment, that she could be flirting with me, and that thought grew stronger when she confessed me the truth about her sexual orientation. The problem is that later, she told me that she was interested in someone else, a girl who has a boyfriend, and that makes me feel pretty bad because I had been imagining some romantic scenarios since I met her, and she's the only one who knows that I might be bisexual. I don't even know what I am, I've never had a relationship with anyone, neither guys or girls, but I feel as if I like both. I've been in love before with a guy from the university, and I honestly do feel physical attraction for men, and I always daydream about perfect love stories with men. But then it is, I remember feeling curiosity for women body since I was a child, even though I never thought about getting involved with a girl in a romantic relationship, nor even when I had a crush on that friend of mine in high school. Now that have changed since I met her... now I can only think about her, I feel terrible because she is not into me, and I just love talking to her, I fee an amazing conection, a kind of connection which I only felt one time before in my life, and that time was when I fell for my high school friend. I don't know what to do, I know being bisexual is not wrong, but my mom and family will surely hate me if they knew this secret. my friends will also be dissapointed of me, and that's why I can not talk about my feelings for this girl to anybody, because the only one who knows I like girls too, is her, and I don't want her to know how I feel towards her. I know she would reject me. I feel terrible, I only have been in love with 4 people in my life (2 men and 2 women) and in all of these cases, it has been unrequited love. And also, I'm confused about my sexual indentity....

    I will really appreciate if you could help me. Thanks in advance.
     
  2. Cougar

    Cougar Guest

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    Lucy, I think you understand your situation perfectly. Now you have to learn how to deal with it:

    1) Sexual Identity

    No doubt, you are BISEXUAL, a harmless word that allows you to keep your options open.

    2) Coming Out

    Luckily you are not the first person in human history who asks herself that question. The Coming Out Forum here can help you with the first steps, and if you take part in a LGBT coming out group you learn to talk about everything with like-minded persons. You could also start your own coming out group for bi-curious women.

    Why is that? What kind of friends are they that you expect them to hold you back when you reach out to new horizons?

    3) Secrets and the Manipulative Communication Style

    Secrets are fine, but you should tell others what YOU think and enable them to tell you what THEY think about that. Controlling their behaviour by withholding information kills your spontaneity and sterilizes the conversation.

    Take risks! I think you also prefer that your friends tell you what they think instead of fearing that you might be too narrow-minded to accept their position. Relax! Enjoy the provocation! Don't be politically correct! And don't underestimate your family and your friends!

    4) Unrequited Love

    Sex is easy, but love is an extremely complicated phenomenon. There are different kinds of love that have almost nothing in common. (Love styles - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

    Most love is unrequited love, did you know that? Mutual love is something highly improbable, nevertheless it happens from time to time. Unfortunately, there is almost always one lover who loves more (love size XL vs. love size S etc.), and the lover who loves less will be the first to walk away. Result: the lover who loves more is also the lover who suffers more. CĀ“est la vie.

    5) Soul Mates

    That is something really special, if it is more than an illusion. Don't hide your feelings, it is totally normal to deal with people who are in love with us, though one has to learn how to do it properly because lovers are extremely fragile.

    If you have such an amazing connection to her you should be happy to be her friend instead of her lover, because friendship has a higher survival rate than love. Don't try to mix friendship with sex; that is a really bad cocktail, and you will regret it.

    If you two are soul mates she will be the best guide for your homosexual excursion and the best love therapist for you. Befriend her instead of wishing for an alternative reality!

    I am only the first responder; the women here will know all the details you need. Bon voyage! :icon_wink