Not sure if I should have posted an introduction post first (terribly sorry if I should have and I am breaking forum etiquette), but I really want to cut to the chase. I'm a 22-year old male, and I have known that I'm sexually gay for as long as I can remember. I never felt, however, that I was ever able to identify with any other gay people I met. The thing is, even when I was much younger and knew I had gay tendencies, I only ever really wanted to have romantic relationships with women. I never worked up the courage to, though, because I couldn't imagine that there were girls who were interested in a long-term relationship with a gay man. I always imagined if I tried to date a girl that she would feel deceived and dislike me as soon as she found out I had no sexual interest, and there was no way I could be up front about it either (I didn't start coming out to anyone until I was almost 18, and even now it's just close friends). Because of all this, I wound up never dating anyone or ever having any sexual encounters at all. Some of my close friends who I have talked to have told me that I seem more like I'm asexual/non-romantic than anything else, but I know deep down this isn't really true. I don't like the idea of being alone forever. I kept living thinking I would just magically run into the right person despite being an introvert who has only ever had friends who can't identify with this problem at all (all of my closest friends are straight). I've continually convinced myself that none of this matters, but now that I'm about to graduate from college and my roommates are moving on with their lives, I'm feeling left behind and confused, so I'm finally attempting to take some sort of action (I never dared to do anything more than lurk on boards like this until now). But what am I? And even if I determine that, how do I find someone when I'm so socially phobic? I've only ever really made friends in school, and soon school will be over forever. I'm slowly becoming more open to the idea of a homoromantic relationship, and I've settled that I am going to talk to my parents soon just because I feel long overdue. Ultimately, I don't really care about sex, but am not really opposed to the idea (which also confuses me because everyone seems like they either want it or don't). Just... who am I and who am I looking for? Regardless of whether anyone reads or responds, it felt good to write all of this here, so thanks already, forum creators.
Hey, and welcome. I don't think you've broken any netiquette rules. I identify with lots of what you said. I'm also a lonely introvert with straight friends. Although thats getting better since I started going to lgbt groups. I also don't care much about sex, so you aren't alone. Are there any lgbt groups in your area. In my (admittedly limited) experience of them, the people are welcoming and friendly, and I feel at home like nowhere else.
Yes, there are, and while I've thought about going to them before, I'm extremely apprehensive about showing my face and losing my anonymity in this context, even if it's to a group of accepting, friendly people I don't know. I have a lot of problems with putting myself out there, so to speak. Thanks for the friendly greeting and suggestion, though. Maybe as I talk to people here I'll be able to work up the courage to do it. There are a lot of other deeper things about me that I'm even more afraid of sharing that also make it difficult, but I'm hoping to be able to talk about those things too as I start to post more here.
Yeah, that sounds familiar to me. I haven't started going to any lgbt groups yet, but they sound like they could be really helpful for both of us. It's just hard to decide to go introduce myself to so many people... If putting yourself out there seems too difficult for now, maybe just some one-on-one chatting with somebody who can relate online would meet some of your needs? Feel free to message me. =)
Looks like we have to apply to be full members to message each other, but I didn't have anything to say in what I was going to send you that I can't just post here, so here's what I was going to send: Hi. Thanks for reaching out to me. I've always been so nervous about finding and talking to people who can relate on these things, so I really appreciate it. I can't think of anything specific to say right now but I at least just wanted to say thanks. It's great just to not feel so alone sometimes, you know? I hope we'll hang around here long enough to be able to send messages in the future!
