Alright. I'm going to explain everything as well as I possibly can. I've always been a straight male. I'm 15 years old and am in my freshman year. I've also always been very perverse towards the thought of females as most other teenage boys are. Probably more so honestly. I've never really had any thoughts about males romantically or sexually. As of Friday, this guy I really can't stand touched my leg by accident and I moved away. It's been suggested I have OCD or some form of anxiety by a therapist before. I started to worry. "Why didn't I move away just a little faster?". Even though I moved away probably as fast as possible. "What if I liked it?". That whole weekend I was with my friends and that one guy. I was avoiding these thoughts at all costs, and any other thoughts that may have been similar. I went on a date with this girl I've had a thing with since October on that Saturday though, so there was one break. This girl and I were supposed to be dating a while ago, but we ran into a little bump. We just fixed things last week or so. I've always had her on my mind constantly. I've felt like she's my first love. She was my first kiss and everything. Whenever I've been around her, I've gotten crazily nervous and my heart just wouldn't ever stop beating. I just couldn't imagine being without her. Even Saturday, I felt so in love. But after I returned to my friends, my worries started back up. Later that Sunday, I started thinking things I was doing were of homosexual nature. I started looking into things. My heart was beating fast as I looked into homosexuality, and people telling their stories of discovering their homosexuality. I wasn't sure whether it was because I was made nervous by the thought or what. Suddenly, all these homosexual thoughts have been popping into my head. I've been fending them off as best as I can. My heart beats fast and stuff though. I still can't tell if it's because it's embarassing for me to think about, or if I like it. I've never imagined myself as a homosexual or of bisexuality. Ever. I've always dreampt of girls, all the time. And I've finally gotten to be with the girl of my dreams again...I had an emotional breakdown last night about the whole thing. I feel guilty being with her. When I've been around her the past couple days, I've had a harder time getting excited about her, but I still love her I'm sure. I've been uncomfortable around my friends, because my mind keeps pitching the idea that I could have a thing for them, even though I've never had problems with that. We always tackle each other and joke around sexually too. It's never phased me. I'm getting depressed over this, and I don't want to be bicurious, bisexual, or homosexual. Do you think this is just me thinking too much? Sorry this is a lot, and that it's not organized at all, I'm just really scared. :bang:
Hey man, I understand you completely. I was like you too. Girls, kisses, always women on my mind, love, crushes, etc. Totally. I don't know if you are familiar with the work of Alfred Kinsey or Fritz Klein, but they were sexologists in the 20th century. They both asserted that the majority of us are not strictly gay or straight. In fact, I think like only 10% of the population is either gay or straight. The rest is somewhere on a continuum between gay and straight. In recent months, I have discovered my own bisexuality. I have a girlfriend I love, whom I may possibly propose to. Does not mean I am straight. I certainly am not. I don't think I'm gay either. Otherwise, like you, I would never have been skirt chasing my whole life, with great joy, must I add. But since accepting my bisexual nature, I have been much more at peace, my OCD has really gone away a lot, and I feel more complete at times and productive. Not always, since it definitely is a struggle, but I am feeling better about things. Maybe you aren't as straight as you thought, as many of us aren't, but I'll pretty much say you aren't gay, if you have been seriously sexually attracted to women, as it seems to me you have been. Which likely gives you hope for a fabulous woman and so on.
Seems like you might be over thinking it. Give it sometime and if it continues, comeback and someone more qualified than myself can give you a better diagnosis. :smilewave
