Hey everyone, I'm a very confused person, both about gender and sexuality. Let me know what you think I could be, it's still a bit new but I'm just in the questioning stage. Anyway let me know what you think. Gender: I've crossdressed since I was a kid around 7 or 8. I thought it was a fetish initially, but I used to wish that I would wake up as a girl everyday. I have been extremely jealous of my sister for most of my life. I ignored most of my feelings until recently I gave up and bought a whole bunch of stuff online, wig, breastforms etc. I now crossdress all the time, it's affecting my whole life. I feel like these feelings do run deeper than just mere sexual feelings. I have recently been experiencing gender disphoria, anxiety and depression after coming out to my psychologist and mother. I know that I am a male, I am masculine, so people say. It's just that since a kid I've wanted to act opposite, I want to go out in public and be accepted as a woman. I love the role, the behaviors, clothes and activities that are consider feminine. Sexuality: Tied to my gender in some way. I crossdressed through adolescence, and crossdressing has been my main sexual thing. I've had girlfriends before, but I don't find myself that attracted to girls. Initially I was with my first girl friend but I always wanted to be the woman instead. I'm not sure how I feel about guys but by powers of deduction I assume that I am gay. When I dress I think of being with a man. As a guy though I feel almost assexual, nothing apart from crossdressing really arouses me. I have been attracted to my best friend once in highschool but I didn't act on it, so maybe I need an emotional connection to be attracted to someone? I don't really find guys attractive. I like crossdressers like me or transsexuals, those turn me on. It's all very confusing, as I said I'm seeing a therapist. She said I could be genderqueer. I don't know at this point. The only thing that I know is that I love crossdressing,I love my self as a woman. I could not live without it. What do you think?
Would you feel better if people called you by a female name, saw you as female? Do you resent the parts of yourself that are male? Would you want to be a female 24/7? I am not very experienced with this, so I am sure you`ll get better replies from someone else, but the fact that you wished you could wake up as a girl from that young an age makes me think you sound like you really are transgender, not just gender queer, though that last definition has always been a bit vague to me. I see you have written up MtF on your gender, is that what you identify as? Because then I think in a way you already know who you are, but maybe needing to accept it? In any case, you`ll find a lot of people here identify with how you feel. And about the emotional connection, I feel the same way. I am a lot more attracted to someone if there`s an emotional connection. So it could very well be that you simply need to connect with someone before seeing them attractive. It doesn`t have to mean you`re asexual, or only sexual through fetishes. Or it could be that you are more attracted to those who are more like you. I don`t think you should live without it, or think that there`s something wrong with you. Whether you are transgendered or simply need to crossdress to be happy, I think you should go for what will make you the most content with your life. Follow your heart! Be honest with your therapist, and if he/she isn`t giving you the advice you need, find a new one.
