Denial about Asexual?

Sorry for asking, but how old are you and yes it's relevant?

I know the feeling. If I see someone on the street it's more of a "I would make out with that person". For me to actually start thinking about sex I have to get a pretty good connection mentally with that person which is part of the reason why I won't do hookups. Maybe your like this too?

 

I dont think youre asexual. I have had similar feelings before and it turned out the lack of sex drive was due to a bunch of factors like stress, health, emotional drama... Wait it out a few more months and see if things change

 

Okay, I REALlY doubt you're asexual. I think that you just need to wait a while, not stress about it and the answer will come to you when you're not looking. It's probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but it's how I finally managed to figure myself out.(by not worrying about it that is)

 

I disagree with the implication that at 16 you're too young to call yourself asexual. For some people it is pretty obvious from an early age what their orientation is. Also, being asexual is defined by sexual attraction, not sexual desire or sex drive. I consider myself to be at least asexual spectrum, but I do have a rather obnoxious sex drive. My gray-asexuality just causes it to be undirected 99% of the time.

Of course, it's not easy to define what sexual attraction is, since it seems to mean something different for everyone. It does seem like if sex does not cross your mind when you're attracted to girls, even after having past sexual experiences, does make asexuality a possibility. It could also just be lack of experience, an indication that your brain still hasn't quite processed the fact that you can, in fact, have sex with women. Only life experience will allow you to determine which it is for you.

That's not to say there is nothing you can do right now. One thing that really helped me in coming to terms with my orientation was telling myself there is nothing wrong with having whatever possibility (e.g. being straight, being bi, being ace) was bothering me at the time. If you find yourself really upset by the possibility of being asexual, try to find ways to be okay with it. If you do end up being asexual, you'll have already accepted yourself and can be proud of who you are. If you end up not being asexual, it will be more readily apparent and you can be more comfortable with whatever other label (or lack thereof) you decide on.

 

i mostly agree with what Tetraquark said, but adding to that i think that the focus of your sexuality journey shouldn't be trying to come to acceptance with any particular label at all. the focus should be on better understanding yourself irregardless of what label you may end up with in the end. yes, i understand that labels can help one better understand oneself, but it's also all too easy to take labels too far and to try to conform to them rather than just finding one that already seems to fit.

if asexuality doesn't seem to feel right for you right now, then simply don't label yourself as asexual. if no label seems to fit right atm, then don't label yourself as anything for the moment. there will come a time when you will be able to look back and reflect upon your life experience and a suitable label may become more apparent. until then, there's no point in trying to wiggle into a dress or pants that's too small if you're just going to end up being uncomfortable in it, to put it metaphorically.

 

Thats more of what I was meaning by asking for your age. I feel like you shouldn't worry about labeling it and focus more on just accepting you for you, whatever that happens to be

 

You could be romantic asexual. That's someone who wants romance and a partner and cuddles and all that, but isn't into sex.

Of course being asexual doesn't mean you can't have sex, just that you don't feel a need for it.

Can I ask why you don't want to be asexual? Do you feel that it means giving up on something you want, such as having a girlfriend? (If so, I can assure you that asexuals can get into romantic relationships if they want to.)

 

And how about when you are a bit the same but 18?
As I sometimes fantasize about sex, and I THINK I would like it... but I never did anything but that. No crushes (the most I ever got was "hey that guy/girl is hot!"), except for a childhood crush, but he was more in love than I was, lol. And I never felt the need to masturbate and stuff.
But on the other side of the coin am I also a bit afraid that I will die without 'having done "it"', and alone at home, etc. I don't know if this is natural or not, I have too little 'romantic experience' to know if it feels 'right' or not...
Maybe it just has to do with stress and such, or am I not asexual, but 'less sexual than the norm' or something... :/

 

The only thing that really stands out to me is you know what you are looking for...I think.

Most times when people are asexual they won't have a type of person that they are looking for. I think that you are confusing the difference between not wanting to constantly have sex with not having a sex drive.

 

not sure about what you mean by not going further than kissing, but seeing as kisses aren't invariably sexual in nature, enjoying kisses wouldn't make one not asexual.

as for not being sure about how things would go with a girl, as i said, there's no reason why you have to settle for any label right now so why the stress? live life and just see what happens as you go.

....what? i have no idea where you got this impression from, but there is hardly any truth in what you've said. as if not experiencing sexual attraction would somehow leave one devoid of preferences.

 

It was something my friend who is asexual told me back when I was questioning. Idk, kind of a take it or leave it thing.