Hi, I'm 28 and have been obsessively asking myself whether I'm gay since my early twenties. It all started after my brother and a good friend brought up the question about my sexual orientation within the same month. I don't remember being attracted to boys in my childhood and all the crushes I had were on girls. I am particularly tall and shy and it took me a long time before I actually dated anyone. On a daily basis I try to figure out if I like men, I find men to be the more beautiful gender when being objective. And I know that women excite me sexually, but I think a good looking man attracts my attention more. A few years back I tried to use porn to help me make a decision (lesbian and heterosexual porn have always given me erections), I watched a lot of videos and nothing happened at first. But from time to time I do manage arousal from gay porn. Any time that happens I fall in a rut and feel very depressed about it. I cherish more my friendships with men, even more than with my girlfriend, as they are more fulfilling. But I don't know if being gay is only about the sex? This is the first time imahare this with anybody, I don't feel comfortable discussing it within anyone. Thank you for listening, just writing this makes me feel better than keeping it bottled up.
I'm having trouble figuring out who i am myself. Being gay isnt only about sex, just like being in a relationship w someone isnt just about sex...its much deeper than that. Do u mean u were trying to decide if u were gay or not when u said "A few years back I tried to use porn to help me make a decision" - i can tell u that it's not a choice, its something that u are, u just have to come to terms with urself and accept urself for who u are. ull drive urself crazy and be a miserable person if u dont. Do u see urself being emotionally connected with another guy? Do u see urself spending the rest of ur life with another guy? remember that u dont have to be gay or straight - theres a lot of in gray area in between
