I don't know what my mind is going through. I even have a hard time typing this because I don't really want to accept anything myself. I used to have "crushes" on boys, but this hasn't happened in a while. I never had a boyfriend. I'm 18, so I know this is like a time of finding yourself, etc etc. I find myself finding girls more and more attractive, but I just kind of repress any thought. I don't want to label myself, I kind of just don't want to take any action with this side of my life. I feel that this is going to make me miserable. I can't be straight since I really don't find guys sexually or romantically appealing anymore, and I don't feel like being gay is okay, because of how I was raised, and the kind of stigma it has in my culture, religion, and basically every aspect of how I was raised. So I kind of just don't think about it. I posted on here a while ago, when these feelings first came out, and I keep finding women attractive, but again, I just sort of repress it. What do I do? I can't accept being myself? I'm like stuck in limbo. I don't know how to classify myself in the 567357 sexual orientation categories in a way that would make me feel comfortable... I'm just honestly having a hard time.
Dont worry about labeling yourself, at least for right now. Just try and focus and learning to accept yourself for who you are. Try to put aside the stigma's around being gay that you were raised with and try to think of who YOU want to be. If you see yourself in a relationship with a women and that being comfertable then fine, if you see yourself in a relationship with a man then fine. Cultural sterotypes and stigma's are hard to get past for a lot of people. As your 18 you could get counseling without your parents knowing why your there if you think that might help you. Also, there a tons of very accepting religious communities that might be worthwhile reaching out to, even just online. People involved with them probablly have been in your position before and might be able to help you work through this. Internalized homophobia is a difficult thing to get past and learning to love and accept yourself is a long process. Repressing these feelings will only make it harder in the long run. Good luck
charlavail, I know what you're feeling. I'm 39 now... but I had the same feelings as yours when I was 18. I also hadn't dated by 18....and was often questioned why I didn't have a boyfriend. I didn't WANT one! If your feelings truly are genuine, repressing them will just make them show up later, when it may be too late not to let your feelings affect other peoples' lives. I think of me, here. I'm married, and a mom. And those feelings never left. I'm not exactly sure what they mean either.... but I know something big is missing from my life, and I'm not exactly happy. Be true to yourself now!
I second this wholeheartedly! Whatever you do, don't just decide to ignore the feelings you're having. I did and all it got me was a lot of years of not dating, and avoiding this whole thing. It would have been better if I'd addressed this when I was in my mid-teens and I first had questions about my orientation. However, that is not me saying, "you're definitely 100% gay. Accept it right now!" You might be gay, might be bi, or might just have strong feelings of admiration for other women that are confusing you and you're straight. (I don't think it's probably that last one, but it could be). Either way, deal with this now when you have your whole life ahead of you. I can tell you that deciding just not to think about it, doesn't solve anything. charlavail, I know you said you have feelings towards women, but that you "just sort of repress it." What would happen if you stopped repressing it? Just let the feelings happen? Accept that those feelings are okay to have or not have, just whatever occurs naturally. You don't have to tell anyone about that since it would just be in your head. It seem that if you could manage to stop preventing feelings from happening, you might be able to more easily see your orientation. Some of the best advice I got here on EC was to try identifying to yourself (just in your head) as gay for a day or a weekend and see how it feels. Just try it on, and give yourself permission for that to be okay. Sort of try on a label for your orientation mentally.
Thank you guys! I just sort tried to tell myself I was a lesbian, and I immediately shut myself down. It's hard, I didn't think I would have such an internal struggle. I'll still try to test out the idea for a few more days in my head. I really appreciate your advice!
The questioning part is the hardest bit, in my experience. I made a very similar first post on here, and it was stressful as hell to write, but a major relief to do so. Three or four months on, I'm out and the difference . Here are what I would say are my top tips: -Remind yourself that your sexuality is not a disability. It shouldn't have any bearing your health, your personality or your general abilities. We fortunately no longer live in a time where homosexuality is classified under mental illnesses, and depending on where you live, you can enjoy many of the same rights as straight people. You don't have to turn into a stereotype just because of your sexuality; in fact, not doing so will automatically make you a living, breathing stereotype challanger. I'm still a "straight-acting" guy who makes a mess and enjoys a few pints of beer and a good banter, and I know some lesbians who are quite feminine and would hardly fit the "butch" image. -Think about your happiness in the long run. Would staying single all your adult life really suit you well? Would it be fair if you married somebody without actually having any proper sexual feelings for them? Could you picture yourself in a happy, comfortable relationship with a member of the same sex? I asked myself these questions, and it made me realise that being perpetually closeted would probably harm me, and others, in the long run. -Be crazy and tell yourself it's like you have a special magic power that makes you who you are! (!) Good luck with finding yourself, and be confident in yourself.
This sounds very similar to what I went through when I was 18. I know you might be wanting answers immediately, but the truth is these things can take time to really even themselves out and make sense. I only admitted to myself I was a lesbian when I was 21 even though I'd known it for years - looking at where I was mentally/emotionally back then though, I wouldn't have been ready to handle it. I'd say don't repress it, but don't rush yourself either.
