My first interest in another guy was a masterbation fantasy when I was about 14. It entered my mind unexpectedly and worked very quickly. I buried such thoughts as best I could but to no avail. I had sex with as many female partners as I could in my terns and early 20s. I started with gay porn when I was living alone and this side of me became increasingly difficult to keep at bay. I finally found myself on an nonlinear dating site where I talked to, and agreed to meet another man but I stood him up. I put these feelings to bed when I met my wife, convinced meeting the right girl would correct this "flaw". Substance abuse problems led me into a series of affairs (I'm not proud of it) where I finally explored homosexual sex. I thought this would end them once and for all. I was wrong. Women can get me aroused but I find in order to "finish up" in the bedroom, I have to resort to memories of sexual encounters with other men. I identify as bi-sexual but I seem to be evolving more and more to the gay side (although my Klein score ranges from 2.8-3.2). I'm genuinely happy in my life and I don't really wish to bring about any major changes. But this ain't going away.
I tend to equate sexual preference to music preference. Its like the relationship between rock and rap music. Some people like both. Some people like neither. Most people probably listen to both a little but like one more than the other. Don't over think this too hard. In the grand scheme of things, its a simple preference like music, food, movie genres, etc. Its just one aspect of yourself, and its a complicated one. I tried for a long time to try to figure it out, then I just started telling people I'm queer. My sexuality is still really confusing and complicated, I just realized that I kind of like it that way =)
