im just going to copy paste this, the last few paragraphs is the TL;DR. I just want opinions on my thinking, questions are allowed as always mm, I don’t know what I am anymore? I don’t necessarily like being with a guy all that much, and I still want to date a girl. but I still want to go on my meet up with that one guy and I still have to deal with a bunch of other people. and i do still like the kissing, but that’s just it, I think I’m just a physical person that never indulged in that I think I literally have to hug a shit ton of people and kiss a shit ton of people (and they may or may not be the same people) and then my body will calm the fuck down and maybe I should take the time in knowing someone for a while before I jump in bed with them and maybe I’ll like it, and if I don’t then whatever. and before I was swooning over these two guys in highschool and now I don’t find them attractive and just want to be their friend (and literally beat the ever living fuck out of one of them (you don’t understand if I had the means I would launch this person into the next dimension) and then hug them and cry afterward) and say sorry for being awkward I think that what I think a friend is and what I think a S.O is are completely mixed together and I have no idea whats going on but what am i going to do if I turn out straight? I don’t want to be and I don’t think I am I think as of right now I’m just really horny (some of the time) and taking it where I can get it even if I don’t like it that much. I think I just, I don’t know, this hurts. I just want to be good friends with both sexes and find out who i enjoy fucking the most there, simple explanation, however undetailed it is, crude, but it eases my thinking slightly. but, when i think about it, the old friends i used to have, and the ones who are drifting away, would i really kiss them? before I would but now im pretty turned off at the concept of kissing my male friends, or at least going any further than a hug. If it came down to it Im pretty sure i wouldn’t mind a one night fling with a really good friend but other than that i don’t think so, whatever my mantis brain says otherwise (again with the physical shit, I swear if I had one good friend who wasn’t freaked out by that fact I would be fine, and i am. what the fuck this doesn’t make any sense but it does FUCK) whatever I’ll just, go hang out with whoever and see what happens and whatever does, is. I’m not going to pull myself or anyone else on strings of doubt or empty hope, if i don’t want to continue having a specific kind of relationship with someone I will man up and tell them because its for the best. what I don’t want to do is tell my dad “oops sorry my mistake i actually was just really fucking confused”
Anyone? I I think I'm just looking for someone to just say that ly thinking isn't flawed or ask me questions, because I think I can solve this myself I just don't know and know at the same time and I'm just looking for someone to say "that sounds legitimate" so I know I'm not deluding myself at all. What I really don't want to do is come out to my mom.(last person I have to come out to) as pansexual and then end up being straight. I don't know I feel pansexual but I'm doubting myself again.
That sounds like legitimate thinking to me. Being bisexual, I had a similar problem to trying to find out which gender I preferred. So your thinking isn't flawed. Just don't do anything you might regret later. Of course that goes with all things as well. Good luck, I hope everything works out in the end.
