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Bi male? Hard to believe bc they're supposedly a rare breed

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SeanF615, May 6, 2013.

  1. SeanF615

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm a little confused about my sexuality here. I'm a guy 20 yrs old and for the past year I've watched gay porn and had gay fantasies. The part that confuses me is that I still fantasize about women as well, and I enjoy it just as much/it gives me a just as powerful orgasm. I also can get off watching lesbian porn, as well as straight and gay porn. In terms of actually being attracted to people in real life, I've never really been attracted to a guy. I think initially i thought I was feeling attraction around guys i know could be considered "cute" but it was really anxiety caused by thinking "what if he knows".

    Also growing up i exclusively fantasized about women. I would sneak around and try to look at women's pictures in magazines or download lesbian porn. I didn't even give men a thought. I don't think it was because i was conditioned like that, there was genuine attraction.

    The way i would think about men, kissing would not turn me on at all. I know people always say I'm emotionally attracted to women and sexually to men so they can't see holding hands/kissing/dating, but I am not averse to the idea, and Ive tried to picture myself in that situation before. It feels meh. I don't think I would mind it, but I don't get excited at the thought.

    This part may be more telling, but I do have a girlfriend right now. We have sex just about every day, I always get an erection and I always finish. I also enjoy going down on her. I'm not sure if gay guys should be getting boners from just kissing a girl but I do. I also fantasize about her every once in awhile, but to be honest i fantasize about other women more.

    I think what may have had me believing I was gay or bi may have been my submissiveness, because I get extremely turned on when my girlfriend takes control. But as I've been dating her, I have gotten my confidence back and submissive and gay fantasies aren't working as well as they used to.

    It's weird, it's like one day ill be desperate to enter a woman, and another day ill want to receive from a man. I'm not sure if this qualifies me as bisexual, I guess it could but many people say bi guys aren't real.

    Also another thing, when time when my overthinking got out of control, I decided I needed to meet up with a guy and hook up to realize if i was truly gay or not. The thought was exciting at first, but as I was driving to his place i got more and more turned off, and by the time i got there i could tell i wouldn't get hard if I tried and i just didnt really wanted honestly. Idk I just wanted closure.
     
  2. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    There is indeed a spectrum of sexuality ranging from straight to bi to gay. How broad of a spectrum it is, is open to debate. What you desire to act out in real life is what counts most when figuring out sexual orientation.

    I know porn and sometimes fantasies can be very confusing when it comes to figuring out sexual orientation. Do you watch gay porn because you find it adventurous, taboo, and dangerous? Or are you turned on by the bodies and physiques of the male models in the porn? At one point in time I used to be turned on by watching lesbian porn. I was/am not drawn or aroused by the female form, but the sex act itself was somewhat exciting to watch. You might be a straight guy that enjoys watching the actual sex act in gay porn, but not because the guys are hot or attractive.

    If you don't desire guys in real life, then it's best to leave it as a "straight guy with a gay fantasy." You may like it if your gf uses a strap-on on you and that might fulfill your "submissive" fantasy. Do you honestly feel sexual attraction towards men? Do you get aroused by their physiques, the way they smell, their personality, etc?
     
  3. Musician

    Full Member

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    I was in the same boat, as far as loving the lesbian stuff. I was definitely turned on by everything feminine. But I think there was also a side of me that was unfulfilled. I think since I have the hetero side to me - which has gotten a little old and stale, maybe because I need the gay side fulfilled a little - and I have the gay side, I would think that makes me bi. I think if I spent time with a guy in a relationship, after a while, I would most likely need a woman sexually, very much. So I kind of sit on the fence.

    I think guys and girls turn me on in different ways, but nevertheless, both are pretty fine. I'm also very much enjoying the bi stuff, because both have so much to offer. Like MMF scenarios. And honestly, I find myself bouncing around a little. I'm a little on the fence in terms my sexuality, and I do find myself believing in bisexuality. Plus, it's been documented over and over :slight_smile:

    I'd say go with whatever feelings you have, and have fun. Are you able to talk to your girlfriend about your feelings? Let her know how you are feeling, and explain to her it's not about her, but that you are experiencing this? It might be great if you have her support!