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No attraction to opposite sex until I declared myself gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Parsley, May 7, 2013.

  1. Parsley

    Regular Member

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    So this is confusing, and I'm wondering if it is denial doing a stealth attack. Or if maybe I'm just a confused straight girl. So a couple months ago I finally managed to say "I'm gay" to myself, and to one of my good friends. It felt good. It felt liberating. It felt like something I'd been thinking since I was about 16 years old. I was excited to date hot girls! I wanted to find a girl and just makeout. I wanted to forge ahead and start a new chapter in my life.

    But since then I've begun having attraction to men, which I've never had before. It has steadily been getting worse in the last month. I had one maybe crush on a guy six years ago, and that was it for my entire life. I've never had a boyfriend before because I've never wanted one. So for 31 years guys have been, meh. But now I'm definitely doing, "oh that guy's hot." Which is something I remember having to TEACH myself to do at the end of high school so people didn't ask too many questions. But now I'm not forcing myself, it's just happening.

    On the flip side of the coin, I'm now struggling to say for sure which girls I find hot, which girls I'm attracted to. I just don't know. It has gotten more confusing since this all started, and it's sent me from certain and ready to come out back to questioning.

    Is this denial? Or is this my brain saying "That whole gay label was a mistake. You were wrong"?
     
  2. ChromeNerd

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    I don't know what causes this problem, but I know it sucks. When I was fourteen and under I did not like boys at all. I wanted a boyfriend because I thought that might "fix" me. When I got a boyfriend I thought I liked him, but I quickly realized I was not attracted to him. I also had a crush on a girl who happened to be a lesbian. I found out she liked another girl, so I gave up trying to get closer to her. My boyfriend eventually broke up with me because I wasn't affectionate with him. I was pretty relieved. After that I came out to my mom as gay. She didn't believe me. I was pretty mad. I made myself watch porn to prove to myself I was really gay. Bad idea. I ended up preferring gay and straight porn over lesbian porn. After that I started to get attracted to guys. It was very weird. I came out to my mom as bisexual and she believed me. Right now I'm out as bisexual to a few people. When I came out as bisexual I stopped liking guys. As soon as I identify as gay I start to like guys again. I'm still mostly in the closet because I'm very confused. I'm sorry I can't help you.
     
  3. some nights

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    I'm not sure how much this will help, but I'm on my last little sect of people I want to come out to before being openly out, and it's my family too so it is literally the last but most concrete declaration if that makes sense. I know that I'm a lesbian, I know I like girls, but still I have a few doubts about it (few being the key word) as I prepare to ditch the closet for good. But I am aware that's all they are - doubts.

    I think its natural to question our decisions, and by labeling ourselves as one thing we end up questioning the accuracy of the label rather than identifying our feelings. I know it is so hard to just be "you", but I would recommend identifying the feelings you have rather than trying to label yourself. It may make it more difficult to come out, but I think on the whole it is better to know yourself truly before telling others who you think you are.

    Hope that helps somewhat, and good luck :wink:
     
  4. Musician

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    I'm in a similar boat. My theory is that we are complicated people, and that when we repress our sexuality, we repress our attraction to both men and women. But when we acknowledge it, we are able to be with all feelings, both for men and women. At least those of us who aren't fully gay or straight. Also, I think attractions might be somewhat fluid too, especially if we aren't really at the ends of the spectrum.
     
  5. Parsley

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    Thanks for the advice, everyone. somenights, I definitely want to figure out myself before I come out. I don't want to have to come out more than once or have to take it back. I was ready to come out recently, but this doubt is definitely putting a hold on that until I figure out what I'm feeling.

    I'm mostly stressed out and upset about this because I don't WANT to date a guy. I just don't. So I actually fear having attraction for them because it might mean I'm straight. Which would suck. Because then I'd have to date a guy.