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denial maybe??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ty3012, May 8, 2013.

  1. Ty3012

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    Ive been wanting to post something for a while, but it took me forever to TRY and gather my thoughts. I apologize in advance if this is jumbled up, but if u can follow plz feel free to give me ur thoughts and opinions :help:. I'm 26 and not sure if i'm bi leaning more towards women or just gay. I don't want to come out gay and then somewhere down the line being with a guy (i hate the way that sounds:bang:slight_smile:

    I find some guys attractive - I've probably even done a dbl take, but in the back of my head I'm not all that interested and I feel as though I'd be with a guy bc its whats my friends and fam would expect. growing up I liked guys, but I remember being in elem school and telling myself that I was gay bc I liked this girl. I had no idea y I liked her but I just concluded that I was gay simply bc I liked her. I went thru high school and college without crushing on females, but I would find them cute if that makes any sense. Lately I feel like I've come to the realization that I didn't want to be like a girl that I thought was cute - but I wanted to be WITH her. It's also kind of how I feel about guys but the opposite - I dont want to be with them but I want to be them (I envy that chivalrous role they're have with females but thats a completely diff post :eusa_doh:.

    I dated a few guys in high school and college, now im single and driving myself crazy. I feel like all I do is think about being gay and being with another woman - not just sexually but emotionally...just being that special woman in another woman's life. My cousin has a female "friend" and I see how she is around her and I'm like thats what I want!!! I went to pick up lunch w a female coworker (not attracted to her) and felt like I should be opening the door and treating her to lunch, not bc of who she was but bc it felt like that was what I was supposed to do - be chivalrous toward a woman. AM I CRAZY for having these feelings?! :eek: I think I know what I truly am but I'm afraid of accepting it and how others will treat me when I let the cat out of the bag...and I think I'm in denial. I guess what I want to know is at what point or what happened to u when it finally clicked in ur head that u knew u were lgbt?? phew that was a lot but I feel better!!! :grin:
     
  2. Lykos

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    You most certainly aren't crazy for having those feelings!

    It clicked for me at an early age though I didn't express myself openly. I was always a rather shy, independent child and tried to handle things myself even when I was younger. I didn't come to accept that I was okay and not going through a phase until I was around twelve or so and discovered some forum or the other that basically said it was okay to be gay.

    I asked my friend when she came to terms with liking women. She told me that as a kid she dated a lot of boys because her feelings confused her. As she grew older and matured, she began to realize she preferred girls. She said the time-frame for her realizing she preferred girls was her late twenties. She used to identify as bisexual to "lessen the blow" of coming out (her words, not mine, nor do I encourage doing such) but now identifies as lesbian.
     
  3. Ty3012

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    Yes im not crazy!!! Lol i think the biggest hurdle for me is just accepting myself and not worrying what others will think.