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Waiting for it all to land

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SoulJourneyer, May 8, 2013.

  1. SoulJourneyer

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    British Columbia, Canada
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello, I am brand new to this forum.
    I am 43, I have two teenagers. I have been with my husband for 22 years.
    About 5 years ago we opened up to a poly relationship with a woman.
    At that time I realized that maybe I didn't have a low sex drive, maybe I was just with the wrong sex. I thought that having two partners would allow me to work through the confusion but all it has done is made it worse.
    Very recently I shared all my concerns, questions, and wondering a about our relationship and rocked the foundations of but my partners. My wife was not surprised when I stated that I think I am gay.b the thought of never having sex with a man again is a relief to me.
    My husband is not taking the news as well.

    I am not sure where his brain is at. Because of our dynamic I don't really have to go anywhere. No one wants me to leave. I feel like I want to stay put but I also want my freedom to honestly sort this out.

    I have one good friend that I have talked to at length and that has been very supportive. I just don't know how to integrate my feelings with my life. I don't know if I am simply pushing people away. I don't know a lot and it is all ver baffling at times.

    I stumbled across this site and I hope that talking to others and reading other stories may help me figure out what is happening Nd maybe my next step
     
  2. FemCasanova

    Full Member

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    This must be an incredibly difficult situation for you, considering how long you have been with your husband. However, at the sound of "never having to have sex with a man again is a relief to me" I am thinking you`ve come to an important conclusion. If this is how you feel then forcing yourself to continue being his wife is not the thing to do, because I think you deserve better. It`s never too late to make that life changing decision, unless you`re dead. Considering you are well alive you ought to live your life in a manner that you can feel content and happy with. Your children are old enough to understand, so at this point you need to focus on you.

    So in a way, opening your relationship up for a woman may have actually done you good, even if you don`t feel that way about it right now, as you`re a bit trapped in the emotional storm. But in the long run, it may have been the best thing for you. It`s hard and stressful to make those huge life changing decisions, but you can get through it! Just focus on what will help you become happy and content, we can`t live our lives for others. Being a mother and a wife are just 2 parts of you, don`t neglect yourself because of your roles because that doesn`t do anyone any good. My mother is 45 now, and recently got "dumped". At first she felt terrible about it, feeling alone and confused. Now she`s met a nice guy who`s treating her well, makes her heart beat a little faster and I am seeing her having real fun for the first time in about a decade. Sometimes life doesn`t go the way we planned it, but the closing of one door can open another, and sometimes we can get a lot happier with what we find on that other side. I wouldn`t have given that advice unless I thought you truly weren`t happy in your marriage, but if you are glad you don`t have to have sex with a man anymore, then obviously you cannot be happy in a relationship with one. That`s just my 2 cents though. Just care about yourself, and take the steps you need to take to be happy and content, and don`t waste your time on guilt, because sexuality is not something we can control or decide.

    The best of luck in your journey, and welcome to EC!
     
  3. SoulJourneyer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you for you response. Much appreciated.