This might be horribly disorganised when I'm done, but here goes: I'm assigned male, for reference. About eight months or so back, I realised I was (somewhat) attracted to men, which I struggled to deal with due to internalised homophobia. I still prefer women to a great degree, but it opened my mind that I was possibly suppressing other issues. I've had flashes since then, but it's come to a head recently that I think I might be transsexual. I have a hobby of making "idealised" characters using different RPG systems and other influences - they are all female, as is pretty much any idealised version of myself that I imagine. When I was in primary school (ages 4-11, for non-UKers) I also recognise that I behaved in an extremely feminine manner - I even sat with crossed legs like one until it was pointed out to me that I was "sitting like a girl" in secondary school. When I view old pictures of myself, I judge how I think I look by how I tend to judge women, I think, as opposed to how I judge males (not 100% certain of this, but reasonably sure) - I avoid mirrors because I hate looking at my beard and I hate shaving it. Lots of other little things like stereotypical feminine behaviour when I was younger - I have a very clear memory of wanting My Little Pony PC game from a shop when I was younger and being told it was a girl's game and I didn't really want to play that did I?, most of my friends are girls and I'm often jealous of genderbender characters - for example when I read Ranma 1/2 I didn't understand why Ranma didn't spend more time female. I always used to be happy whenever I was mistaken for female online - which happened a lot, actually, even among people who I talked to a lot. These are things that I'm noticing now, looking back - as to the whole physically wanting to be the other sex, yes, but I've always wanted things I don't have - I call it my "greener grass" trait. Essentially, while right now if I had to give a definitive yes or no, I'd say I was, could I be overthinking it? Especially since it's not really something I want to approach people about until I'm certain at any rate - I recently got over a year and a half bout with depression, I don't really want to send myself spiralling back into one. I'm autistic, if that makes a difference. Yup, that's a disorganised mess, but I guess it gets my current thoughts out.
The past doesn't really matter as much as the present. So how do you feel now? Do you feel like a woman trapped in a man's body? Is the skin you are currently wearing just eating away at your self-confidence? Do you absolutely hate what's between your legs? Meaning do you wish you had girl parts there instead? I'm sorry for bombarding you with all sorts of questions, but answering these will help you figure out if you are transgender or not. Now remember being transgender is an umbrella term, it houses all sorts of other gender identities. Gender is also not just black and white, but also a grey area.
Wow! I so can relate to your feeling about Ranma 1/2! Had it the same way. From what you're saying, I think you already know you're a girl. Might want to do something with it, come out or start makeing a transition plan. I didn't do that when I first realised and I'm paying for it now... You go girl!
