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I've no idea if i'm gay or not.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BadCanadaJoke, May 18, 2013.

  1. BadCanadaJoke

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    The title says it all.I just joined here to meet some people who go through the same thing and also ask this question that's EATING ME INSIDE!!!

    Those off you who are certain, how did you become certain? Have you always known? How did you find out. Please tell me some way i can make sure cause.....I don't want to rush into things,like saying YUP I'M SUPER Gay if i'm not...

    I think that i am attracted to men but how do i know that it's not just a phase,or that i'm a little bi and that i could ignore it?
    Unfortunately,i've never had any sexual experiences but i don't know how important that is....
    :help:
     
    #1 BadCanadaJoke, May 18, 2013
    Last edited: May 18, 2013
  2. Ettina

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    Well, I can tell you that it's rarely a phase. I know of a few people whose sexuality has changed over time, but they're a lot rarer than consistently gay people.

    As for gay versus bi, how do you feel about girls? Are you attracted to them?
     
  3. BadCanadaJoke

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    That's a difficult question because if i had this cleared out,if like i wasn't attracted to them AT ALL i wouldn't be confused.
    I feel more attracted to girls on a spiritual level(also physicaly but..). My whole life i've had plenty of women friends with whom i was able to connect and communicate etc. Meaning that i feel more comfortable around women and talking to women.
    I don't have a lot in common with straight guys. I know nothing about football,or rap music etc. We just don't get along really well. On the other hand i can spend all day talking to women (mums LOVE me).
    The only two guys that i've ever been able to really bond,turned out to be gay!(2 actually) That's when i started wondering actually! "If we had so many things in common maybe... i am too..?"
    The thing is that i am a bit attacted to women too, not so... I'm not head-over-heels for women but i'm not apathetic also...
    Is my mild attraction to women denial or is my attraction to men just an experimentation or interest or appreciation to men's beauty?
    I DK!! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  4. vere

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    How sexually attracted are you to men? You said that you have a stronger emotional connection to women, but I think that's something many gay men can relate to. It could be that because you have more in common with the women you have met, you feel more comfortable and open around them, and that this has led to stronger relationships.
    In regards to your concerns that your attractions could be a "phase": as someone said, for many people, the sexual attractions do not change over time. However, it is certainly possible. I was very much sexually attracted to men and even came out when I was 16. However, as time went by my attractions to men lessened while my feelings towards women grew. I just feel that in the stage you're in, it's important not to pin yourself to any "category." Trust me, I know it's frustrating to not know exactly where you fall in the unfairly rigid gay/straight binary, but I really think it helps to just kind of go with the flow and let your attractions speak for themselves without trying to box them in to a certain category.
     
    #4 vere, May 18, 2013
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  5. BadCanadaJoke

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    How strongly attracted i am to...?! More than i would like to admit.!
    The problem with not identifying myself is that i can't have sexual relationships if i don't...I can't ask women out if i'm not sure i'm straight. And i certainly can't be having gay relationships because...u know...
    It wouldn't be fair to anybody...I just have to be sure.
     
  6. Candace

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    What about dreams? Have you had any of those type of dreams where you make out with either a girl or a guy?

    Can you see yourself ever being with a girl (married, owning a house, having kids, etc. etc.) or do those ideas sound better with a man? Which one makes you happier inside?
     
  7. vere

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    I actually don't think that's the case. If you were to meet a woman that you really like and you are attracted to her, it wouldn't be unfair to pursue her romantically. Ditto for men.
     
  8. Hefiel

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    All your posts so far in this thread reminds me oddly of myself. I'll tell you my story, maybe you'll find an answer in there.

    From maybe around age 11-12, I became aware of boys sexually, but didn't really pay much attention to it at that stage. I was still very attracted to girls (emotionally mostly however) and all my crushes have been girls. I think around 15-16 I started to question my sexuality a bit more because I got interested in porn. Straight porn didn't do the job at all, it had to be gay porn.

    I'd hang out with a group of 10 or so friends, myself included. About 8 of them were girls, the remaining guy turned out to be gay and came out at age 16-17. I had a huge crush on one of the girl, and we were very close. Closer than friends arguably, we'd hold hands, cuddle, etc. but neither of us took that last step to ask the other one out. I couldn't do it because in the back of my head, I was thinking about gay sex, and I'd never want to hurt her by asking her out and finding out I was gay. So my little story with her lasted until High school was over, we never asked each other out and each went our own way afterwards.

    I think my sexuality went off the radar for a little while after that, probably because I tried to push it away or something, too confusing, didn't want to deal with that. Maybe about 2 years ago however, I spotted this nice looking guy, and I started thinking about sex again. I "worked it out", felt disgusted afterwards because, while my previous fantasies about sex during High School were graphic to say the least, I was rarely ever included in them. This time however, as well as for all subsequent times, I was the bottom, and enjoying it in the spur of the moment. I hated myself.

    Quickly I couldn't stop myself from noticing cute guys in public areas and getting seriously aroused. I couldn't care less about girls anymore, they practically did not exist, and I'd get a little angry if one would sit next to me on a bus when there was a nice looking guy just behind her that could've taken the seat. That's also where I saw my first male crush now that I think about it, cute guy...but I wasn't gay! I just thought this guy was...cute...very cute... and I wanted him. I'd see him daily and fantasize about him from time to time. But as some "gangsters" would say:"no homo" (even though it was completely homo). Finally earlier this year, I just said "Fuck it, let's call a spade a spade, I'm gay. Now let's look at some porn."

    I accepted myself, hunted for a massive amount of information about homosexuality, then I found EC and came out 4 days later.



    [​IMG]
    (I had to put this, I just had to. Sorry.)
     
  9. BadCanadaJoke

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    You are right,that IS me!!

    I can completely (in like 100%) relate to the stuff u say here...I understand what you're trying to say here though,i really do...It all comes to whether or not you can accept yourself...
    Up until Christmas i thought of myself as straight and the more time passes the more i think i was in denial....I really wanted to be straight because everyone has been calling me gay since i was young and it really felt great to say i was actually straight("i showed y'all" or sth like that) but lately.....it's frightening to not be n denial about sth you feel anymore because it's something so important about yourself that you're only now realizing and accepting. It's scary...But doubt is even scarier and that's what's "eating" me right now!

    ---------- Post added 19th May 2013 at 03:16 AM ----------

    Yeah,i guess you're right actually!!!! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:PP

    ---------- Post added 19th May 2013 at 03:21 AM ----------

    dreams...i rarely see sexual dreams but i have had gay and straight dreams!
    gay dreams=sexual and straight dreams= i was dating a friend of mine twice...which was weird since i don't have a crush on her...

    as for family...i don't really mind...I don't find it impossible picturing having a family with either!:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: But girl-wise, maybe that's because i was raised to believe that?!?!:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: And because of all the movies that are heterosexual :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #9 BadCanadaJoke, May 18, 2013
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  10. Hefiel

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    Doubt is a pain. I think the first step, in my opinion, is to become more open about sexuality in general, especially your sexuality. Rather than trying to fit a label such as "straight", "gay" or "bi", just live your life normally while keeping an open mind so as to not close off any possibilities. Whether you fall in love with a guy or a girl, just go for it. Pick a label afterwards when you're comfortable with yourself, but there's no hurry.

    I was too far in denial to realize this initially, and it cost me a friend (the guy I mentioned who was gay).
     
  11. BadCanadaJoke

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    Thanks, i might actually do that. I just wish it was easier to know...you know?
     
    #11 BadCanadaJoke, May 18, 2013
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  12. Hefiel

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    Oh, I know alright. Took me 10 years to accept it after all. :lol:

    It's sort of the cost of being raised in a heterosexual society where you're expected to live a heterosexual life. You sort of find out about those "unusual" thoughts, but you've got no one to turn to to try and figure out things. You grow up hearing that being with a guy is a sin and similar claims...it's pretty difficult to figure things out without any resources or information about homosexuality.
     
  13. BadCanadaJoke

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    Pretty much yes.
    i just want to be honest with myself. If i'm gay that's fine by me. it'll be a bother trying meeting people and telling my family,but i'll be ok with myself...
    Even being here talking to all of you,putting it out there is making me more and more certain...
    It wasn't untill very recently that i was changing my mind 2 to 3 times before going to school.
     
    #13 BadCanadaJoke, May 18, 2013
    Last edited: May 18, 2013