Thursday was when I went in to see my therapist. We discussed how the week went, and she also talked with me on how to handle work stress since I work with many different ethnic groups and types of students. But when we got to an opening, I told her I think I might be transgender or one of the variants of it. We talked, and she told me I show both masculine and feminine traits, but she said I should ultimately be who I want to be and not label myself. I asked her if there was a problem with me deciding to go by Brandy and female pronouns, and she said there wasn't: "What's in a name?". The therapist even said if I feel like wearing feminine shirts, I should go right ahead and do so as long as I'm safe about it. Overall, I feel okay with what we discussed. A lot went into it throughout the session, of course, but I'm going to work on letting out my feminine side by staying with Brandy, being comfortable with the pronouns, and seeing where I go next. I told her I wasn't interested currently in transitioning, but who knows? Any advice on where to go or what to do next? What clothes can I experiment safely with?
I'd say go for it. Start feminizing yourself, and your appearance bit by bit. If you feel that this is "you", that the more you are being the real YOU and thinking about this, the more disgusted or dysphoric you feel with your biological gender.. then you will know what you need to do. I know it's a horribly scary thing to do, but you have to do this for your own sanity if you feel less and less comfortable with masculine pronouns to the point you could just cringe. (&&&)
The biggest issue with feminizing myself is my mom, who the therapist even told me not to come out to. She couldn't handle it when I came out bisexual, so the idea of telling her I might be a woman is anxiety at its definition. However, I do plan to start wearing some new articles: scarves, slim belts, new shoes, capris...maybe even a blouse if I can find a somewhat androgynous one!
Is it okay to ask how old you are, or how long you might expect to be under your Mom's roof? I know it's hard, and my Mom hasn't always been the most accepting -- but I'm sure I'll surprise her.. you have to do this for yourself, it's your life and your body. What makes you happiest is what's important, life is too short to always be miserable in your own skin.
I plan to stay here for school around a year more if I can transfer out of state. As of currently, I'm not ready to leave just yet
