I'm 13 and recently have been having some trouble accepting that I'm gay. I do like the idea of settling down with a guy but I have been raised so that being with a girl is the only option. I know that my mum isn't against being gay and if I come out to her I know she will still love me. However, I have no idea about my dad because he's always making fun of gays. I have, as everyone at 13 has, watched porn. Regular porn did not turn me on that much but when a friend dared me to watch gay porn I really was turned on. I have absolutely no idea whether or not I should come out now or come out in a few years to my parents. I decided I was going to be really brave and came out to my best girl friend a few weeks ago. Everyone said that you would feel relieved but I felt like I was even more depressed. Any responses would be really helpful. :help:
I read that you said you are having trouble accepting that you're gay. If you are still having trouble accepting it, then maybe you should wait to come out to your parents. Once you are comfortable and have accepted being gay, then I think you should tell them. I also saw you said you were raised so that being with a girl in the only option. Could you expand on that? I mean, how exactly is that your only option? that part kind of confuses me and I was just curious. Congratulations on coming out to your girl best friend. That is a huge step, especially since you said you are having trouble accepting your sexuality.
Even though I am not a Christian, my dad would always say that being gay was sinful. I've never known what my mum thinks about homosexuality but I think she will probably still love me and support me
Generally, the advice with parents is not to come out unless you either fully independent, or else you are 100% sure that they will at least tolerate the news. There are many, many stories about parents who toss their gay son or daughter out on the street. Past that, it's probably better to wait until you accept it completely, and are comfortable.
Hello Antique Camera, Well, I have to say that when I was 13, no one had access to porn. That was before the internet, though. While I know there are varying opinions about porn, I will say that it may have helped me sort things out at a younger age, so I'm glad you got an opportunity to explore your feelings. Although I can't say I recommend making watching porn a habit. Anyway, I was struck by your question about when to come out to your parents. I am much older than you, as you can tell from the last paragraph, and I just yesterday came out to my therapist. While I've known more or less my whole life that I'm gay (although I'm learning that word may only apply to men--not sure yet), my therapist was the very first person ever that I had come out to. Her advice to me as I move forward is for me to get comfortable with the idea within myself. Until I was completely comfortable with who I am, I shouldn't come out to others. I suspect that's why telling your best girl friend made you more depressed. You're still dealing with your own feelings about being gay, as you mention in your first sentence. It's difficult to deal with your own feelings about your orientation as well as someone else's feelings. Only once you're comfortable with who you are will you be ready to talk to other people, especially people as important to you as your parents. You want to be comfortabel and ready and able to deal with their questions or whatever else they throw at you. So that's my advice. Sit with your feelings for a while. Write about them. Perhaps, if your friend is willing, talk them through with her. Or maybe find one trusted person--a counselor, relative other than your parents--who you can talk honestly and openly about your feelings in order to help you sort them out and become comfortable with them. Then, once you're solid in your feelings, you can think about how and when to best come out to others. I hope this advice helps. I wish you the best of luck, and I admire your courage in being able to come out to yourself at this young age. I wish I had had your courage when I was your age. --Zoe
