I am a 21 year old female and ever since I can remember, I have had romantic and sexual feelings for women even before I knew I felt that way. I assumed that I must be a lesbian. However, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be in a relationship with a woman. It does not interest me at all. When I think of my future, I see what I want in life and where I'll be, but being with a woman is not in the picture. I have held onto the lesbian identity for the past 4 1/2 years. However with me not wanting to date a woman or ever marry one, I have doubts that I'm actually a lesbian. Maybe I have just been confused. Does it sound like I am really a lesbian or just confused?
Maybe you're just confused right now. You might actually be bisexual. I thought myself just gay, but when I started getting feelings for this girl I know, I knew that I was bi. Maybe you haven't figured yourself out yet.
I don't know the rest of your story, i.e. if you've been with guys, if you see yourself with a guy, if youve ever been in a serious relationship. True romantic feelings are hard to come by, so it could just be that you've never met the right person... or that you are simply aromantic. I think the best thing to do in this situation is not to overanalyze it, and just try to tune into your internal feelings and see what your heart tells you. I don't think you need to have it all figured out; your instincts will kick in eventually and guide you in the right direction.
I doubt I will ever want to be in a relationship with any woman. I'm already 21. I have never been with any men either. ---------- Post added 22nd May 2013 at 12:55 PM ---------- I just looked up HOCP and I have quite a few of the symptoms of it, so I am thinking that is what I have rather than actually being a lesbian. That makes much more sense to me.
I am definitely a lesbian. I know that for a fact and have known for a while. It was something that I was trying to fight so hard because I could not accept it. No matter how hard I tried to become heterosexual, it just did not happen. I fully realize that I was indeed born a lesbian and there is nothing I can do to change it. For a long time, I believed that I did not care what homophobic people think about me being a lesbian and thought it was me that had a problem with it. What I didn't realize is that subconsciously it was never me personally that had a problem with being a lesbian. It was always the way society made me feel about it. Society made me feel horrible about myself. I started to wonder maybe I wasn't born a lesbian or that perhaps I am going to Hell. It took me a while to realize that is the reason being a lesbian bothers me. However, I realize that the homophobic members in our society are completely wrong. I am a nice and caring person. I am no different than heterosexuals except that I like women instead of men. Now I am proud to be who God created me to be! I am no longer going to fight my attraction to women. Instead I will work on not letting homophobic people upset me. I am getting there slowly, but surely. I'm sure one day I will not let their ignorance and rudeness get to me. Sure, I'll always feel sorry for those in the LGBT community who are criticized, shunned, disowned by family, etc. I just will not feel personally upset by homophobes anymore for my sexuality.
Sounds like you've made a lot of progress in just a few days, congrats! I figured that I'd share my story just in case any of it resonates with you. I've never been attracted to women, never been in a relationship with one. I'd always notice the cute guys, but could never see myself in a relationship with them, either. Then I met that aha moment of self-acceptance, that I am gay, and all of a sudden being with a guy seems a little foreign, but not out of the question. I fear that because of my age (fortunately you're much younger than me!), the gay community will see me as an outcast, a dork (I work in technology), a freak. I've been assured that this is not the case (here, my coming out group, my therapist) - but somehow that doesn't relieve the anxiety. Can't wait to see where the next chapter of my life leads.....