hello, I...am kind of reaching out everywhere right now. I am in a deep deep confusion as to who i really am, and i feel I'm making little if no progress in my life. I am currently questiong my sexuality very earnestly. I am also talking to a psych about this, together with other issues i feel I have made more progress on...anyway. I no longer know if I am Gay, Straight, or Bisexual. I have always been labeled and treated differently, and of course mistreated and bullied, ever since the very first moment i could interact with society, including my parents and all family members. I've never had any opinion or a say in my sexuality, ive always been ''the gay one'' and such. Needless to say, ive never really had anyone i could talk to about this openly or receive any guidance from that was truly on the spot. Well, I used to think i had it all figured out up until now I've started to deal with all my issues with a professional. I had come to believe that I was simply hetero-flexible. I have always been attracted to girls since i was very young, I've had many relationships, and even fallen in love with a woman, and i have fantasized sexually about women as well. With men, i did not feel (or was aware) of any sexual attraction until after elementary school, i kinda noticed or started feeling it when i started watching porn, as i tried watching gay porn as well and was aroused. I have done things with both sexes, all but actual intercourse i would say, and i enjoyed both sexes. However, with men i have never felt anything romantic, past a brotherly bond or such, at least that i could identify. Now that I am talking and delving into this with a psychologist, I question myself thinking, How much of my feelings am i shutting down or am i really not feeling anything? How much really has society and my troubled life gotten to me in this matter? Have i perhaps indeed felt romantically towards a man before and somehow not known it or denied it automatically? I feel like all the issues ive had and the negative things ive had to experience because of how people perceive my sexuality have made me shut my sexuality down without being aware. I am so very frustrated, depressed, and angry over this. I feel stupid being 21 and NOW having issues with my sexuality and defining myself. I know the label is not what matters, but i truly need to define myself and KNOW myself. I know I am also not alone or the only one in this particular situation, but i just don't know how to get in touch with myself or even ''unlock'' my feelings or identify them. I've had to educate myself in sexuality matters since very, very young age, and i just dont think it has been enough.
Hey there, and welcome to EC! First off, being 21 is certainly not a "late" or "stupid" age to be coming out. I'm sure a lot of much older folk here would say otherwise. I'm 21 and I just came out last year, and I feel like I've done so relatively early - I've still got my whole life ahead of me. Secondly, you've posted this thread in the "Ask The Staff" subforum. That means that only you and the staff can see what you've posted. If you were looking for more public answers, we can move the thread for you, or you're welcome to make another thread elsewhere on the site for more responses (perhaps the Sexual Orientation/Gender Identity subforum). Of course, if you were just looking for our opinions, we'd be happy to help, but we do get the above mistake quite a bit, so it never hurts to check. Just let us know.
ohh! yes...i was quite confused as to where to post D: if you would move it i would greatly appreciate...since yes, any help i could get with this would be SO wonderful thank you
Hey, I'm sort of in the same situation you're in. I wrote a reply on here, but some of the stuff was a bit personal to put on here as my second ever post on this forum, so I'll just PM you what I first wrote. You can always talk to me. I can't promise you answers, but I will try to help ;-) Take care
I read your OP and can relate a lot. I've felt straight/bisexual/gay and can't seem to locate where I am. I know people say - who cares, sexuality is fluid - but if I'm to ever settle down and find a life partner etc. I'd like to have some idea as to where I stand. I don't want to realise I was attracted to one sex all along you know...I need answers too!
Hey Shazel, We seem to be in a similar situation (although reversed)...I would love to give you some nuggets of wisdom, but I too am seeking guidance, I've posted a few times trying to make sense of things...I really relate to your statement that you're just NOW questioning who and what you are, especially when you think you've had it figured out.
Hi again, I tried to PM you, but for some reason, I'm not permitted to do so? I posted a question under ask the staff. In the mean time, just know this: you are not alone, as you can see from the above posts as well. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that because of the bullying, it is also possible that you link your sexual orientation to the perception others had of you. Bullies can't make you gay by saying you are. Then again, it is also possible that you actually are gay or bi or whatever, and that you got bullied. This doesn't have to mean that by acknowledging you are that way, you are "agreeing" with your bullies. Try to separate those two things. Try to find out what YOU want. Also, beware of people who readily share their wisdom or who claim to know the answer to your situation. People tend to generalize and no two situations are the same. Take care
thank you ALL so much please keep on sharing your experiences, anything and all helps even if you dont think so! I've always felt a strong inclination towards both sexes...since i can remember... but since the bullying was so prominent since the earliest days of my life, i learned to treat any trace of homosexuality as wrong, unwanted...NOT ME. i refused it and simply kept it stifled...and eventually as i grew up i rationalized the reasons why i was only straight, but ''open minded'' because of the bullying. I started thinking that everyone else was just wrong for assuming, and neglected to see how it really was affecting me all this time. It feels like a huge waste of time...i could have done so much...but im soooo out of touch with myself im not even sure what im feeling. Im trying to explore and see for myself...but i dont even know if that would be the right steps to take :S you are very right, diegohrz, i think i may have put the two things together... do you guys think im getting closer to hitting the nail? what steps should i take first? any experiences in real life that brought you peace, self acceptance, in touch with your emotions?
Well, I have been in your situation. Right now, I still have not had a real relationship with a man, but I'm trying to open up to the idea. I think the only way I will have clarity is to go and find out what I like. However, I am no longer in a panicky state. My problems and/or confusion are far from resolved, but when I read your posts, I think I can sense that you're pretty much still going through a crisis. So without wanting to meddle in your life, I would advise you not to make impulsive decisions in order to find answers. If professional help is available to you, maybe you should try working on your feelings of anxiety and/or panic first. Do you perceive the things you've done with men as something psychologically healthy? Or were they a way to "belittle" yourself in order to validate a possible low self esteem that the bullying left you with? If you truly liked it, and you like girls as well, maybe you are simply bi. Are you suppressing feelings for men because you are less willing to open up to them because you associate men with bullying maybe? No matter what your definitive label will be, if any, I think you should start with trying to work on your self esteem, although I know that is much easier said than done. One more thing, when you ask the following thing: "do you guys think im getting closer to hitting the nail? what steps should i take first?", it suggest that you value other people's opinions more than your own. Be careful with this. I am also like this (but working on it). You are entitled to your own opinions. No matter what you choose to do next, it is a valid choice and you should be proud of making it. Be careful of people who claim to know the answer to this type of questions. I know it sucks to hear this because you are confused, but only you will know the answer to these questions (in time). Other people might project their own problems onto your situation and give you biased answers. Maybe I am projecting my own situation too much onto yours, but if you are anything like me, you should learn to take decisions for yourself, both good and bad ones, because otherwise you may run into people who will make your decisions for you and try to manipulate you. Unless you like this, this can be a dangerous situation. Take care and feel free to talk to me any time you like
