Well I'm glad I found this site. So anyways I've been questioning my sexuality since I was about 13. I never really acted on it. I had girlfriends in high school and only had sex with women. After high school I married young at 19 and joined the military. I had a kid soon later and was divorced soon after, it wasn't because she thought I was gay. So anyways they moved back to home and I stayed where I was. I went to a gay bar once while I was still in the military and went home with a guy but we didn't do anything we just talked about how I was feeling. Then I got out of the military and came home and made out with a guy at a bar. I started dating a girl right after that and hadn't had any encounters with men until about a week ago when I was drinking at a gay friends house. I found him extremely attractive and we ended up in bed together. We kissed and he went down on me and I enjoyed every second of it. Now I feel bad because I cheated on my girlfriend and I really do love her and am attracted to her. She knows I'm probably bi and haven't really explored the other side of me but she trusts me. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.
As hard as it may be to do, I think you should disclose to her what happened. If you are BF and GF, is their an either stated or implied agreement to being monogamous? Since you have been with another person, even if you feel it was "safe", you have to tell her. Not doing so now will be tragic later. She could feel betrayed and that you don't value her if you don't tell her and sleep with her. You need to respect her body, her safety, and let her decide about how you two will be physically intimate going forward if you work it out.
Is the issue about telling your GF that you had sex with someone else? Or is that you think you might be gay as opposed to bi? Are you worried about hurting her? Or being rejected by her? All of the above? I do think honesty is the best policy, for a lot of reasons.
I think the issue is that I think I may be more gay than straight. I know I'm attracted to women, but I just am so curious to explore my other side right now. What I did with my friend was completely safe I'm not worried about that. I don't think I'm going to tell her what happened, if I decide to explore my feelings about guys again I will just break up with her.
Hi, My boyfriend dumped me for a dude when we were 20 and it sucked, but he told me the whole truth and honestly I was kind of glad he wasn't leaving me for another girl! I was also totally willing to forgive him if he wanted to work on our relationship (he didn't unfortunately), because I understood he was dealing with a lot. If you and your girlfriend are close I would suggest telling her. She probably wants to support you and help you out. It will be hard, but I think could bring you closer together (and maybe even offer a chance of friendship if you break up!) - Ellie
Ouch. You mentioned that you love and are attracted to her. Saying that you'll just break up with her, not tell her, and leave her wondering is harsh, along with the fact that even safe sex is not 100% safe. Think hard about that one.
I agree with S'N'S. I think it would be cruel and unfair to simply dump her and leave her hanging about the real issues. Look, this is definitely hard, especially when you're not even settled in your own mind about things. But life presents us with challenges, and the measure of our humanity is how well we rise to meet those challenges. You will feel better about yourself if you show the courage to do the right thing.
That's not what I meant. Not just going to dump her. She's aware that im interested in men. I would just tell her I need to explore my other side.
That could be a major issue and put you at risk of losing her.... I almost want to say you should explore all sides of your sexuality before committing to a relationship but this isn't a perfect world. Ideally, that would be best. Unfortunately, not everyone does that. I don't know your girlfriend but I don't know too many people that would be okay with their partners messing around with someone else. Bisexuality is absolutely no excuse.
That's totally unacceptable in a relationship. Why would you be with her in the first place? Not cool dude.
I don't necessarily agree with cm81990. I have read posts on this site by people whose BF or GF encouraged them to explore their same-sex attractions. That's not to say that your GF will respond that way. But it sounds like you need to explore your homosexual feelings and find out how significant they are. What are your options? Sleep with men and hide it from her? If you end up staying together, you'll have this guilty secret eating away at you. Based on things you have said here, my feeling is that you should talk it over with her.
We talked about it last night. She wants me to try it out and see how much I like it because she said she can tell its driving me crazy not knowing. She was really understanding. I just don't know where to begin. My only gay friend moved out of state a few days ago and I don't want to go at this alone.
Whatever happens next, I think you are really brave to have come clean and that this deserves praise. I did not and I have a lot of regrets, but what I regret most and will keep regretting is the lies to my ex. I think I can relate to how lonely you feel right now, but don't be afraid. What you did takes real courage and you are a very strong person. I guess what I'm trying to say is: considering the situation you are in, you are really doing well and taking the right decisions. Continue to be honest with your girl. Rejection or unrequited love is a bitter pill to swallow, but can be overcome and it is always better than feeling betrayed or lied to by the person you love, which is pretty much the worst feeling in the world and will leave you feeling like a complete ***hole. Stay strong!
I am going through a similar thing right now. I am in a long term relationship with a great guy (I'm a woman) but am having feelings towards women that I wish I could explore. I definitely think you should tell your girlfriend what happened; you owe it to her. I'm sure if it was the other way around you would want to know? If you don't mind losing her then you have nothing to lose and you can explore your sexuality. If you don't want to lose her then you should come clean at this early stage as it will come out one day and cause even more hurt because you would have kept it so long. I'm sorry I cannot give you any advise other than that as I am seeking the same advise as to what to do. I just want you to know that you are not alone and I hope everything works out for you.
