I guess time and experience will ultimately tell but I figured some opinions couldn't hurt. Here's the gist of it. I'm 21 and male and just started exploring my sexuality for the first time this school year (2012-13). For the longest time, I avoided thinking about sex with the people I had crushes on because I thought it was wrong, dirty, perverted, etc. It took me some time to realize that there is a difference between accepting the sexual aspect of a relationship versus basing the relationship solely on the desire to have sex. Its all about balance. What I suddenly found was that I started finding guys attractive as well. I didn't crush nearly as hard as I did for girls but I found I couldn't stop thinking about them in the exact same way. Around this time, I also realized that I wanted gay sex as much as straight sex. I didn't realize at this point that I was having guy crushes so I felt like a straight guy who also wanted gay sex. I thought kissing another guy was gross and I definitely didn't want any emotional connection, just sex. Thinking about explaining this to other people seemed like a nightmare. A straight guy who wants gay sex is just horny. A guy who wants relationships (emotional and sexual) with guys and girls is weird but at least "balanced". I felt like at this point that my mind was trying to convince itself as much as possible that I was bisexual and not just straight and a bit horny. I felt like every time I saw guys, I was trying to imagine myself having relationships with them and kissing them and loving them. And soon it wasn't so difficult to imagine. I wanted to run my hands over a guys muscled chest, cuddle, kiss. I noticed that guys clothed bodies started turning me on and I was checking out guys faces as much as girls. So now I'm here and just writing that makes me realize how much gay behavior I indulge in. But at the same time, I also feel guilty that maybe I just convinced myself to this point. Is that even possible? Similar experiences, thoughts, opinions? Thanks.
Similar experience. Just recently actually, and on-going. I kind of feel the same way, that I may have somehow changed this particular aspect of my life, not really though by choice, though. I've always been thought of to be a kinda more masculine girl, but for as long as I can remember, when I think of my wedding day, there's always been a guy standing next to me. Now I see less and less of that part of my life coming true, because I'm not sure it what I want at all, or what I really wanted ever, or maybe I want both. The point is, I really don't care maybe as much as I do about these feelings, or change; I just want to know what i'm supposed to do and who I should spend my time being with. And in ten years, I don't want to be as confused as I am now. I've only had boyfriends my entire life, but I met the most amazing girl at work the other day, and I was just like, "Wow, I think I've met the woman I want to marry." Unfortunately, I never got the chance to learn her name, and I think about her constantly.
Not really. It is common that people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality try to consciously block out their attractions to the same sex, but it isn't quite as easy to create sexual attraction to a sex.(Ultimately, impossible for 'genuine' attraction, though many have tried.) You are certainly not weird though. It is actually extremely common for bisexuals, and even homosexuals in some cases, to originally only feel a sexual attraction to the opposite sex. This is because sexual attraction is easy and simply. You feel it or you don't. Emotional attraction requires an entirely different level of contentment and understand of who you are. It is very plausible that you would feel emotional attraction men as well if you free yourself from all of this fear of what others might think and accept yourself entirely. Its very hard to resist sexual attraction because it is chemical. It is very easy to resist emotional attraction because it is psychological and both the conscious and subconscious can easily interfere. Even if we aren't aware. You don't want to spend the rest of your life discontent because you aren't completely sure and accepting of yourself. No one's opinion is worth sacrificing your happiness. Just follow your instincts and do whatever makes you happy.
Maybe my story will help you I've always known I liked guys subconsciously. My problems were, when I was trying to define myself, how much did I like guys and girls on the spectrum. I knew for sure that I was bi, cause I liked boys and girls (at least sexually or relationshiply). Then I thought I wanted to have relationships and sex with girls, but with boys I only enjoyed sex and relationships where not something I'd look for on them. All of this phase was kinda forced, I was trying to keep myself in a way, as straight as I could. I really believed I didn't like relationships with boys, perhaps at the moment I didn't, but whatever. What bugged me was that I liked more boys than girls on the sexual side, I still do, but I've come to accept it. After that phase I realised that I wanted to have relationships with boys as much as girls, I just wanted to be intimate and close and loving with someone (whether male or female). But still chose boys over girls sexually. And that's where I'm now. If I could give you any advice it would be: Bisexuality is complicated, you rarely like equally and in the same way girls and boys and you can have a hard time trying to figure it out or accepting it, you get discriminated by both straight and LGT ppl. But hey! We get the best of both worlds Just don't hurry, take some time to understand a bit more about yourself, and don't let explaining to others be a reason to deny or modify your sexuality. If you can explain it to yourself, that's enough! (*hug*) That was a bit longer than I expected hehe, well kudos if you read it.
I agree with everything Martjain said. I am more "attracted" to women in many ways, but I feel pretty sure now that when it comes to sex, I'm more turned on my men. Maybe. Whatever. I use to try to figure all this out. But then I sort of figured it all out and it didn't change anything. Basically, unless you're sleepwalking or in a coma, most of life is way more complicated than any of us ever imagined. Not just sex. Don't bother trying to figure any of it out. As far as I'm concerned, you can't turn yourself bi or gay or straight. You can discover your capacity for things you hadn't suspected. And then you can accept it or drive yourself crazy.
Anyone have experiences with 'trying to be'/'thinking they were' a certain sexual orientation only to find that it wasn't true? There seem to be many stories of gays wanting to be straight, how about straight or gays wanting to be bi or straights wanting to be gay?
Why don't you make a post under the Sexual Orientation label? It might get very interesting, I'll gladly contribute!
I went through something slightly similar where I thought maybe I was just talking myself into liking guys as well as girls. I'm actually not sure how it started, so the key point for me was - why would I talk myself into that in the first place? It's not like being bi comes with tons of social benefits or anything. Lots of bi people go through a period where they always have a sneaking suspicion that they aren't "really" bi, either because their tastes fluctuate from time to time or because they don't meet exactly the profile that they think bi people are supposed to have. You said you were worried you might have "just convinced yourself" you were bi. I don't think you did, but IF you did: so what? If you're attracted to guys and girls both emotionally and sexually then you're bi enough in my book.
Martjain: Isn't this under the Sexual Orientation label? jargon: Yeah, at this point I have accepted it, whether it was my doing or not. I'm just curious now as to whether or not other people have gone through the same thing.