Alright so ever since I was a little girl, I've always been confused. Childhood I used to imagine that I was the "male" role whenever playing pretend marriage, but whenever i had fantasies, I would always imagine a man. I didn't really make a lot of friends, so it never really occurred to me that I might actually date someone one day, of any gender. To be honest, i didn't know "gay" existed. That said, when I began to develop crushes, all the ones i can remember were on boys. Mood on sexuality: :rolle: Early Teenager As I began to get older I started to look at *cough* sexual content, but really never talked about it with anyone. I tended to look up everything, and liked to play *hack* erotic computer games. I found that regardless of the gender, I was turned on. I began to associate with the idea of being a girl, and with the notion of being bisexual in porn being so popular, one day (and yes, this is a true statement), I decided that I was going to be bi, but mostly attracted towards women. After all, dont the guys love it? Mood on sexuality: Late Teenager/Now Thing is, women actually turn me on, about as much as men do. However I've had a relationship with a woman, but countless with men. Since I'm an artist, I like to draw my own eye candy. And yet they're always women. I always tend to date men, but to be honest since I'm generally always in a relationship I wonder if me dating men is just out of connivence/drive to be safe. Me confessing what I believed to be my sexuality hasn't earned me many friends, and in fact has hurt me a lot, especially in the relationship I had with a woman, so I might just be scared. Nevertheless, I question myself on the decision of me being bi when younger. In other words, my mood on my sexuality is: :bang: Am i bisexual? Is there anyway to know for sure? I really dont want to just find out that through some Freudian mind-trick I've just been fooling myself all this time, yet I continue to have doubts. Please help in whatever way possible.
I think we tend to make this more confusing than it really is. I know I certainly made it wayyyy more complicated than it needed to be. When you look at men and women, who do you want to touch? Who do you want to me emotionally close to? Share secrets and whispers and warm feelings and hot moments? who gives you that instant shiver and butterflies?
As much as I dislike the term "bisexual," I would nonetheless say that it seems to make some sense in your case. I should explain that the reason I dislike the term is not because I doubt that some people are attracted to both men and women. I know from my own experience that you can be attracted to both. What I dislike about "bi" is that it is used to describe so many different permutations of sexual behavior and gives the illusion that they are all basically the same. But back to you. I'm not quite clear what you're getting at in your final paragraph. What sort of "Freudian mind-trick" are you referring to. Are you asking about bi vs. straight, or about bi vs. gay? Here's my advice: for the time being, identify in your head as bi. No need to come out to anyone unless you want to. But give yourself permission to go out and have relationships with both men and women. Over the next few months, see if you find yourself drifting one way more than another. If so, you can recalibrate somewhat.
Maybe you just haven't met enough compatible women? It seems to me that a bisexual would probably have a lot more opportunity to act on their attraction to the opposite gender, simply because most people are straight. Plus, your sexual feelings determine your orientation, not your sexual behavior.
Thank you for your help I'm going to try the mentioned advice and think of myself as bisexual. When I've had more experience with both genders, I'll rethink it. As for the Freudian mind trick I was referring to, for the longest time I thought I was bisexual simply because I decided I was when I was a teenager. To be honest I was kind of ashamed of myself when I remembered this fact, if it was true then I was simply a person pretending to have romantic feelings towards the opposite gender. I despise people who do that.
i want to say that i hope you don't think you decided to be attracted to women (i was a bit unclear on that part of your post). i struggled with that worry for a long time too, but i always think: your whole life you get the message that you shouldn't be same-sex attracted. why would you "choose" to be attracted to women in a society that is so homophobic? even if you think it was for some other reason, i reckon you should think about why you might have really "decided" to be bi. maybe at the time you told yourself it was for another reason than that you were actually attracted to women, but maybe it's more complicated than that? because it definitely sounds like you are attracted to other women -- maybe your early decision to identify as bisexual came from that knowledge, even if you couldn't admit it to yourself at the time? i hope i didn't misinterpret your post, and i want to say i'm speaking a lot from my own experience here. i identified as bisexual when i was maybe 14, then went back on that and didn't come out as gay until i was 18. it took me a long time to acknowledge what i thought had been a "decision" back then (in order to feel special or something ridiculous like that, i thought) was actually me starting to come to terms with my sexuality. and i also want to say that i am totally happy and comfortable and feel very certain about my sexuality now, and i'm sure you will get to that point too, so good luck and try not to stress or anything c: xx
I see. You're saying that you wonder if the power of suggestion has had an effect. That thinking about being bi sort of induced actual desires for both males & females. I doubt that's the case. What seems more like a possibility to me is that by posing the question, you came to realize that the answer wasn't as obvious as you thought it should be. Second, there's nothing to be ashamed of in all of this, and no reason to despise yourself or anyone else for being confused or acting some way because you thought you should. People who hide their true sexuality are trying to cope with a lot of internal and external pressures. No one has super-hero strength or intelligence. You, me, and everyone else—we're all just stumbling through life, trying to be as decent and honest and happy as we can be. You are trying to sort out some important things about who you are. That's a good thing. Try to be honest with yourself and not let fear get in your way too much.
