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So what am I?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jeffguy1967, May 30, 2013.

  1. Jeffguy1967

    Regular Member

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    Hi group,

    I'm a married (20+ years) guy. I have always had urges that I don't really understand. When around men, I feel very submissive and I have strong fantasies about them. I also like to crossdress a bit (closet). I am masculine looking, but I fantasize about being wanted by men. How can I learn more about myself and resolve some of these feelings?

    Thank you,

    Jeff
     
  2. EllieAugust

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    Hi there,

    Welcome to EC! I am finding it a hugely supportive and inspiring place, and hope that you do too!

    I can't offer a lot of perspective on your situation because mine differs quite a lot, but one thing I noticed is that you didn't mention anything about your feelings towards women. How do you feel in your marriage? Do you also have fantasies about women or are they exclusively about men? Do you come from an open, accepting family or were you raised rather conservatively?

    I think exploring and learning about yourself is a lifelong journey, so it is good you are here to meet others doing the same-- congratulations and best of luck!

    - Ellie
     
  3. Jeffguy1967

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    Thank you so much for your response.

    Jeff
     
  4. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hello Jeff,

    If you haven't already, check out the LGBT Later in Life Forum. You'll find lots of people there who are coming out, both to themselves and others, much later in life--30s, 40s, 50s. I think you'll find a lot of support there as well.

    --Zoe
     
  5. Jeffguy1967

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    Thank you Zoe, I will do that.

    Jeff
     
  6. wrhla

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    Have you seen a therapist? It seems like sexual orientation is part of a bigger set of questions you have about your masculinity.

    There's nothing inherently wrong with feeling submissive, but the male ego tends to fight it. We become convinced that we need to demonstrate our place in the world of men, to be competitive, to be hunter-gatherers, knights of the roundtable, and so on.

    I feel like discovering my feminine side has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life, a real breakthrough that has enabled me to drop a bit of the masculine posturing. I think that trying to live up to culturally constructed gender roles is deeply damaging to us all, whether straight, gay, or bi. But we are so wedded to those roles that we can't even recognize that they are merely roles rather than some essential truth.

    But I could not have figured any of this out without lots of therapy.