I am single guy in 30s and always been in closet. Never dated woman. I came to US around 8 years n before that I never had sex. As I always scared of acting on my choices. Then when I came here I started to have discreet encounters with me. Fearing of getting stds I went more into internet n porn addiction. I have been sober now for 3 months n also in a 12 steps program which really helped me opened my eyes. I beggining to realise n accept that I might be gay. I want to explore healthy sexuality yet don't want to come out as of yet. I don't want to go on hookups sites as I don't want to get into that again. What options do I have. Is there a place where I don't have to go to gay bars or hookups sites to meet men.I feel stuck. Overall I healthy nice good guy. One thing about me though I like guys much older than me at least 10+ years. I find most older guys either just looking for hookup or having a younger partner by there side to drag around town . I am looking for neither. Any suggestions. I have got tired of coming home alone to myself n flipping channels on weekend.
Well, you're not making it easy for yourself, that's for sure. You don't want to come out, but you want to meet older guys who don't just want to hook up with a younger guy. Why don't you want to come out? It seems pretty clear that you're gay, doesn't it? If you don't come out, you'll be stuck in your present situation, maybe for a long time. There are certainly middle-aged men looking for casual relationships but don't want to go to bars or hook up. If you look on the LGBT in Later Life forum, you'll see many of us.
Thanks a lot for your response. There are couple of reasons why I can't come out. First is my work. I am an immigrant here pursuing my green card with my employer so basically I am tied up with them for at least 3-4 years. Don't want to further complicate things at work . Another is I am looking for a regular relationship with an man n don't like much going to bars making lots of friends or being too much socially active. Kind of reserved n more of a relationship oriented guy here. Plus I know that I m gay why broadcast it to world. I don't get the point.
Just thinking out of the box here... If your based in Miami I'm pretty sure there would gay support groups that you could join... Just to meet people in a similar situation, who knows, you might just meet someone you like... Worst case scenario you make a couple of new friends. And really it doesn't have to be a gay support group, it could be anything, a cooking class group, art group, community service group... Anything where you will meet new people and start socialising...
This is quite a gay friendly place... the problem I don't know where to start.. I don't want to go to bars or hookup sites. I want to meet other gay guys potentially in my situation to date n get to know each other . I don't want to jump into sex first. But probably living in the closet I seem to have options.
Wow, you are almost like me hehe, but the difference is that I'm realizing and accepting that I might be bisexual, and I'm a lot younger. So let me tell you something I have learned through out my life: first of all you need to build up your social life and social skills. In order to do this you need to go somewhere and make friends (for example coffee shop or your place of work) actually, coffee shop is a perfect place to make friends. After this you got to force yourself to go to a gay bar, and start chatting with people, and if someone seems to like you and you like him back then ask him out for a date (if the person likes you then he will understand that you don't want to jump into sex first). In conclusion, YOU NEED TO BUILD UP YOUR SOCIAL LIFE AND SKILLS FIRST!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I can see why you're a bit anxious about the green card. That makes sense. The funny thing is that on the "LGBT Later in Life" forum, there was a thread about "friends with benefits" as an option. But for people who want or need to stay in the closet, the options seem limited. You don't have any friends you could come out to? Do you know about "Meet Ups"? If you type meet up miami into your browser. you'll discover all sorts of groups of people who get together for various reasons. There are definitely gay groups. In my area, there are gay car enthusiasts, gay hikers, gay chefs, and so on.
Thanks a lot guys..it seemed all lost to me before I joined this forum ..I thought I would have to settle up for hookups n live an incomplete life. I must agree that fear of if has played a lot of role in my living miserable life till now. Even though I m 34 now I am kind of late Boomer. Being from a different country n totally different culture makes it more difficult. I suffer from major social anxiety . Even though I have been to gay bar few times I never been able to talk to people there . Since I get attracted to older men it makes more difficult I guess. I feel it would have lot easier if I were attracted to guys my age. But I need to become bit bolder n overcome my shyness otherwise I would stay like this. The problem is I don't know how to do soo. It find it difficult to strike a conversation with a stranger specially someone much older than me.
well, you should definitely stick around and keep posting here. I think that'll be a good first step in overcoming your sense of isolation.
well it has been almost à year..nothing much has changed..my sex life sucks ..didnt meet anyone..seems my life is going no where..i mostly have st8 friends i hang out with..i cant come out maybe after 3-4 years..seems like i have to put my sex life on hold till then..
