Okay so I had questioned my sexuality for a year and after that one year mark, I gave up and accepted, I wasn't straight but the question of whether of I was bisexual or lesbian still lingered and I knew that it shouldn't matter but It does to me because it will give me a better of understanding of everything. One reason I avoid the "Lesbian" label is because my past with guys. I never know if that will affect my future stance. The last crush, I had on a guy was my freshman year which was 3 years ago. and honestly I want to make this clear. I remember the crushes I had on girls..I remember how i felt around them but with guys ....I can never remember how I felt around them. I just assumed because I would talk about them all the time and I generally would get over them pretty quickly and I would know why I liked them in the first place. There was this guy Kyle that i liked (assuming), it was in middle school....and I don't remember getting those butterflies around him. Maybe i did but I don't remember. All i remember is I wanted to date him and when he asked me out...i asked him...I said "I thought that you didn't like me" and he said "i changed my mind" and I don't think, I liked him anymore....but anyways, I said yes...and he dated me for a week and whenever he asked me to sit next him, I didn't want to, I kind of felt i was obligated to ...I found him obnoxious at times but I guess, I liked the idea of having a boyfriend and I remember when we would hold me, I would pull away and it kind of felt nice but at the same time, it didn't and he each time, he would do that, I would pull away. and so I remember one day, he said he had a surprise for me and I was wondering, if he was going to kiss me and one day, we were in class and he said "I think we should break up" and my throat kind of closed up and when the bell rung, I ran out crying and I told my dad and the very next day, I got over it. I found it stupid and he mocked me after that and it made me upset. Why I cried? I have no idea. I assume it was because he broke up with me but I just found him very obnoxious at times and I never really....i don't know. I also remember this one time, My best friend Lauren started flirting with my ex boyfriend AJ and I got 'jealous' but I was actually being dramatic and I didn't feel jealous. I remember my last boyfriend Thomas....He liked me but i didn't like him but he asked me out and When a guy asks me out, i always feel like if i say No that i'm being rude. and dated him for 2 months and I tried to make it work but I was not attracted to him. Kissing him was gross but at sometimes, I would want to try and make out again but overall it was gross. My other ex boyfriend Samuel....My friend hooked me up with him and I didn't know him from Adam ya know? and we ended up dating and I just broke up with him. I don't remember how long we dated but I did the most disgusting thing....I gave him a hand job and it was so gross. I was curious about his,...penis ...even saying it grosses me out and he showed it to me and it was disgusting. I don't know if I should let go of the past and say I'm lesbian because I don't know if my past with guys indicates if it will come up again and this is a big reason why I don't tell people that I'm lesbian, Including my best friend because if i said "I'm lesbian"....i don't she would believe me because of what went down with "Kyle" and I totally avoid saying it for this reason. it seemed, I always wanted something "Perfect" in a guy and i just don't know. I DO know, sexuality can be fluid but I haven't really "liked" a guy in 3 years, Not saying...I won't in the future but I dont know that. Where i stand now? I actually started questioning my sexuality because I had a crush on this girl Katie, I always thought of her and got those "Butterflies" and that lasted a couple of months actually before i met this girl....who just blew me away and I don't know if i'll just continue to like girls. I want a girlfriend but at the same time, I'm scared because I never been in a "Real" relationship with one. I get nervous around girls I like or attractive girls because I never know what to say. There is this girl ashlie, I'm interested in and I wish it me and her ...and I get jealous when I see her kissing her girlfriend carley. There was something, I wanted to bring up also. Daydreaming. I know it shouldn't matter but it does to me for this particular reason. I use always daydream about guys and one day, I got bored of it....and I started daydreaming about being in a relationship with a girl and at first, I went back and forth between being with a guy and being with a girl and I ended up daydreaming about being with a girl. I do maladaptive daydreaming. it's basically obsessive daydreaming and I know what you might say but after I started daydreaming about being with a girl, I fell in love with it.....I loved daydreaming about meeting a girl, Falling in love with her and marrying her and everything. I still love it. I haven't gone back to daydreaming about being with a guy and I don't really want to....but maybe i will one day. I find girls attractive. I want a girlfriend. I have had crushes on girls but still i can't say i'm lesbian because I keep holding onto the past. I don't want to say i'm bisexual either because I don't like guys right now and I haven't liked a guy in 3 years. not to say I won't. should I let go of my past with guys? or should I keep as a future reference? I know that you might say "You can say that your bisexual with a preference with girls" but I don't know, I just don't know if "Bisexual" is right for me..... does it sound like it? I know that your also going to say Labels don't matter but it would give me a good understanding of something.
I hate the label "bisexual" in part because it strikes me as meaningless. There is no such "thing" as bisexuality," if you see what I mean. There are those of us who have experienced sexual attractions to both men and women. But the nature of those attractions, their frequency, their influence in our lives, etc is not at all expressed by that horrible word. You have been attracted to men. You are now attracted to women. In the future you may experience attractions to men again. Or not. Period.
I was just wondering, that's all. I mean, Maybe i'm over thinking this but this is a number one key issue with me and my sexuality
I'm saying that there are people who have some degree of attraction to both men and women. But there is an enormous amount of variety among them. And assigning all those different varieties of experience one single label makes no sense to me.
Hello Flyalone45, Based on your short description of your emotion for girls and the "aversion" you have for being physically close to your past bf, I'd say you're very likely on the lesbian end of the spectrum. I don't think bi is the right label for you either... because you never showed any liking for the guys... at all. However, it would be great to hear more about the feeling you have for girls (sorry you might have posted it somewhere but I can't find it) If you can let go off your past, go ahead. If you can't, that's fine but what I'd do is to compare with the feeling you have for girls right now and go from there. Keeping it for future might be too burdensome. It was hard for me to be honest with myself when comparing though, because I have to admit to myself something I don't want my current self to hear. I'm curious about your daydreaming and how maladaptive it is. Beautiful, pretty perspective made us happy, and became addictive, but as long as it stayed away from daily tasks it should be ok. Why do you think its' maladaptive? Because you love the daydreaming itself? Or.. For some queer reason, it seems to me that we have similar thought pattern...
In all seriousness, do you have a better idea? It's a little wordy to say "I have a 5/8ths attraction to women over men, with a 3/8ths range of volatility over the past month." It's easier to just say you consistently like both (or all) sexes. Sorry to go off-topic, Flyalone, but whenever someone says "Should I let go of the past?" as if it's causing them trouble, chances are the answer is "Yes."
I agree you should let go of the past. Also, bisexual doesn`t mean you always like a guy and a girl at the same time, or that you`re always interested equally in both genders. It doesn`t even mean that you always goes from one to the other. It simply means that you can fall for and be sexually attracted to someone, and it doesn`t matter if it`s a male or female. Maybe the next ten people you fall for happen to be women. Maybe in that period, female relationships interest you more than relationships with males. Maybe then suddenly after those ten women, you meet a guy who you fall for! If you can fall in love with, and can be attracted to both men and women, then you`re bisexual. You don`t have to change label after what you are currently most interested in You aren`t lying if you say you`re bisexual, no matter how many women in a row you`ve been with, as long as the possibility of you falling for a guy is still there.
I know it doesn't mean at the same time. It's just, I don't think....i have fallen in love with a guy.....I've had very strong feelings for my ex girlfriend scarlett and I've never cried so hard over a girl. I've cried over guys but I've always got over it really quickly and I never cried that long and i dont know if i'll fall for a guy. Does it seem like I will? see, I know i won't be lying to myself but I don't know if bisexual fits me. ya know.... the only reason, im just avoiding saying "i like girls and guys" is because I haven't liked a guy in 3 years and even at that, it wasn't the way i liked girls. Maybe, I am bisexual and just am in denial. I dont know
(*hug*) I don`t think you`re in denial! If it feels very different, then it might be simply that you were questioning and experimenting in the past, but now getting more sure of your sexuality and that you`re a lesbian. Only you can know for sure, the rest of us can simply guess. I was with guys before I finally walked across the fence, and I admit it was a totally different experience with girls. It just felt a lot more right, everything about it, from the romance part to the sexual. So, I don`t think you`re in denial, and I am sorry if my response made it seem that way, I might have been hasty in my reply (*hug*)
I know. I'm sorry I always misinterpret what people say. IM bad at responding it seems hahaha. but it's all good Girls definitely bring a different part of me out. They make me more nervous....and I'm more respectful and protective them. I'm protective of what's mine and what I want to be mine is a girl....but for some reason....I can't say that out loud. I can't say. i like girls out loud....because im afraid but i dont know why im afraid. people say "we will accept you" but im still scared
Always let go of the past. Look at it, learn from it, then let go. It sounds like you still have questions, but are leaning towards the lesbian side of things. Why not just not worry about a label and get to know people. If something happens with a female...fantastic. If something happens with a male...fantastic. You don't have to figure out your label to get to know people.
its not about the label. but the description do you understand what i'm saying? I'm just saying....The only reason, i would consider myself as bisexual is because of my past with guys.....and even though, I haven't liked one 3 years and am not sure i ever will again....I am letting my past with guys ....keep me from saying I like girls..and it's NOT the specific label.....It's just the description From it because it's fits How I feel now about girls....so ....because of my past, Im basically holding back from saying "I like girls" My questioning turned into denial at some point and i'm still trying to deny everything in a way but trying to accept it at the same time.
