When I first turned 15 I hadn't hit puberty so I was put on some testosterone shots to jump-start my puberty. At first I started having feelings for a few other women but I decided it was only hormones and didn't do anything for fear of getting rejected. After the shots ended my head returned to normal and everything seemed okay no more hormone induced cycles where I felt like I would die if I didn't get close to someone and all seemed fine. At the beginning of this year I was fine and I didn't have feelings for anyone but then I met this one guy and I started having strange feelings for him, again I dismissed it as some hormone induced feeling and went on with life. As time went on I noticed I would blush when I saw him and I would feel like my chest was burning. These feelings only grew worse when I began having wet-dreams about him and now I’m extremely worried I’m gay. There's no way I could come out of the closet to my family they are either religious fanatics or right wing extremists. Even after all this now I actually want to ask him out I want him to be there its more than just sex I have no idea what to do with all this. Then finally when I wanted to ask him out my brain won't stop deprecating myself I admit I’m a little overweight (10-15 pounds) and I don't have much muscle and I have weird chubby cheeks. I don't know what to do with all this! Should I act upon these feelings or just brush it off and ignore it as much as possible? What if it doesn't go away I’m just so panicked, I need some advice. :bang:
I am sorry to hear that you think coming out will be very hard considering your family. If there`s a chance they might find out, then maybe you ought to not take it one step further (if say this boy venture in your local religious community or something). But not coming out doesn`t mean you have anything to be ashamed of. You might be gay, or it might be curious phase. Only time and a bit of experience can tell, but if you do come to the conclusion that you are gay, then you`re still you! It won`t dramatically change who you are as a person, or determine what kind of person you`ll grow up to be. I understand that you are a bit scared at the thought though, you`re not alone in that, but I can`t tell you whether or not you should come out to this boy. Have you tried carefully asking him where he stand on gay marriage, for example? That could be a subtle way of figuring out whether or not he is inclined to be accepting, possibly even interested. However, you`d probably need a good excuse. You could say for example that there was loud discussion in your house, regarding gay marriage and you`re not really sure about it, and then ask him what he thinks? Are the two of you becoming friends? Is he a school-mate?
