I'm a 22 year old virgin mostly because I've been confused since around age 14/15. At that age my best friend got her first boyfriend and I got really emotional about it and realized I had some type of romantic feeling towards her and that's when I started to question myself. Since that time I have had a couple other crushes on girls and have found many girls to be attractive. I've thought of myself as probably bi since my teens but lately I have been thinking that maybe I'm a lesbian because of my strong attraction towards girls and not feeling that way about guys. When I see an attractive girl I feel almost euphoric and just excited in general , if she is close to me I almost feel a pull towards her like I want to touch her/kiss her or just be very close to her it feels almost magnetic. When I see an attractive looking guy or a guys that's are really nice I do get nervous and feel intimidated but I don't experience the same excitement ,sometimes I can get physically aroused thinking about guys in a sexual way but its purely physical and I'm not mentally excited or turned on and when I actually think about being with a guy in a relationship or going through with the sex I get this weird feeling like it almost feels kinda wrong which is so weird to me, it's almost like the more real the possiblity of having sex with a man becomes the less aroused I feel so maybe it could be a fantasy type of thing? I've also noticed that I don't get jealous over guys but if a girl I'm attracted to shows interest in someone I can get really jealous and borderline depressed over it. This is all harder for me because I don't have any experience and people around me think I'm straight and that I need to be with a guy to realize what it's all about.
I've had a few strong crushes on girls where I think about them all the time and want to hang out with them a lot but I've never had that for a guy. For example in high school I thought a couple guys were cute but I only thought about it when I was around them after that I didn't think about them anymore but if I thought a girl was cute I would think about her the rest of the day or even during the summer when school was out.
Based on what you say here, you sound gay to me, not bi. But I don't think you'll know for sure until you actually have a romantic/sexual relationship of some sort.
Hello, I am here to support you Because I'm currently undergoing the same sort of thing. When I think of being with girls, or dating girls, I am feeling 'normal', attracted, content (also that 'magnetic-i-want-to-kiss-her' feeling). I have never had sex with women but I know I would like it. That's why I also consider myself gay or bi. But I also have this weird fantasy-or-attraction-thing around guys. Mostly best friends. In order to test the water, I went on a date with two men. On the first date I felt nothing, the second date I felt really 'cornered', panicky and suppressed because he was touchy and cuddly. I've had a long distance relationship with a guy before and had sex with him. I was physically aroused, but I remember staring at the ceiling and sighing, thinking to myself: 'so, this is it, then.' I had imagined it to be better, and stopped fantasying about men from that point onward. I still get shy around guys and I sometimes get butterfly feelings, but when I think of sex with men, those butterflies quickly disappear. For me, it was clearly just a fantasy thing. I think I'm a biromantic homosexual. I hope you figure stuff out quick because doubt is never a nice feeling xx from the Netherlands
I agree you do sound more lesbian than bi, my experiences are very similar to yours and I would call myself lesbian. There is no need for you to call yourself anything if you're not sure. I don't agree that having a romantic/ sexual relationship with a woman isnecessary to know of you are lesbian/ bi. I only came out last year and I've never had a lesbian relationship. For me personally I know because of my attractions plus how uncomfortable I feel in relationships with guys.
I am going through the exact same experience as you, I'm not even sure of myself. This thread will hopefully help me aswell as you
I'm also a virgin but I've had one boyfriend that I wasn't sexual with , he would try a few times to take things there and sometimes I would feel slightly aroused physically in that moment but I just couldn't sleep with him, it felt so WRONG mentally and I was uncomfortable with it. So in that sense I'm very similar to op. I've been questioning since around 16 but that boyfriend experience made me question even more especially when I consider my attraction to girls. Most days I feel like I'm lesbian but then I doubt myself over things that have happened such as how could I have felt any arousal around my boyfriend if I am a lesbian? Why did I feel that arousal if I don't want him sexually? Maybe I'm bi or my virgin brain is playing games with me.
Perhaps you find the guys aesthetically appealing? So you're not attracted to them but just appreciate them?
You do sound more like a lesbian than bisexual. I'm in a similar position. I've never been in a relationship with a man or woman. But, I'm sure I'm a lesbian, because even though I can find men attractive I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man. Also, totally get the jealousy thing
Okay, so I'm an old lady here but your story sounds familiar. I never had crushes on guys in high school or my early twenties. I was a virgin until I was 20 then, on a dare, got stupid... I still didn't like guys. Well, I liked the emotional aspect I guess but I could have lived without the physical for the rest of my life. However, I got married. Twice. Gag!!!! Got three boys out of the first one to which I am eternally grateful. Fast forward some... I have always had my biggest crushes on girls, never on guys. I thought I was bisexual and that is how I came out. After doing a lot of soul searching I knew that wasn't true but it sounded good and safe at the time. I KNOW I am a lesbian. No doubt about it. Soul search. You sound more lesbian than bi. Emotional attachments to guys and enjoying the aesthetics of them is fun. If the physical aspect of guys really doesn't do it for you I think you figured it out.
Rachelle: You realize that it really doesn't make much difference if you are bisexual or lesbian. It's just different facets of the same gem...
