Hey just letting you know that i think i found my sexual orientation. I realized that i actually was gay the minute puberty hit, i'd masturbate to women but always think of the male parts, but never knew why, so i ignored it and pushed it to the back of my mind. There was even a time where i found it repulsive, but i know i was in denial then, because last year the gay thoughts started, and i always thought of giving oral and performing auto fellatio, but it went away. I wondered why, but than it comes back in march and i wondered why it came back. I think it was my self conscious telling me otherwise, because i used to be attracted to women, but to reiterate, the thoughts of male genitalia was pushed back into my mind. So i think i actually held these thoughts back. I actually cuddled with another guy and i LOVED IT, i was aroused and had to use a pillow to hide the arousal. From than it was clear i wasn't straight, because i knew i loved guys more than women. My mind fucked me into thinking i was a ladies man, but in the end it was always there, hell the word penis mskes my mouth salivate and i have to stick my tongue out. I know it's a little early, hell still in puberty, but i know women never clicked with me ever in my life. It really is weird how the mind works, and i think this counts as coming out to myself after weeks of hell, depression, anger, and denial, i knew that guys were more special to me.
I suppose congratulations are in order. The struggle to finding your sexual orientation can be quite long and perilous, but once you find the answer life gradually starts to change and gets better (usually).
