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I don't know whether I'm bisexual or lesbian? Or something else?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Blabla, Jun 7, 2013.

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  1. Blabla

    Blabla
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    This might turn out long but it's really troubling me. I'm 16, and, until about the age of 12, I regularly liked boys; I would have crushes on them and be attracted to them emotionally and physically. I realize now that I also had crushes on girls during this time, but I didn't admit it to myself. I was also sexually attracted to girls but never thought much of it- I found gays and lesbians weird and for some reason it never occured to me to label myself; I didn't consider myself a lesbian. Then, around one and a half years ago, I fell in love with a girl (I never told her) and realized I was bisexual, because I was also still attracted to guys a little, physically. Now, however, I feel nothing for guys in any way, but absolutely adore girls and want to be with them emotionally and physically. I was actually pretty happy for around a year that I'd realized my sexuality and who I actually was. But now, I feel it's inaccurate, and could never imagine myself falling in love with, marrying, or having sex with a guy. In the future I envision myself with a woman. I haven't come out to anyone as anything, so that is not what is causing the problem; the problem is inside my head. I'm confused about what I am and how I could label myself. By the way, I'm girly, and actually used to be a tomboy when I thought I was "straight" (i.e. had crushes on boys)- ironic, huh? Anyway, is there anyone out there who has gone through similar feelings? I would really appreciate your help!
     
    #1 Blabla, Jun 7, 2013
  2. FindingMyself

    FindingMyself
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    That's almost exactly how I feel. If I were you I'd start confiding in a couple friends and trying to date around; don't get super serious unless you're comfortable but just see who makes you happy. I've dated both and while dating a guy wasn't bad at all, I'd much rather date a girl and go further with a girl.
     
    #2 FindingMyself, Jun 7, 2013
  3. ChromeNerd

    ChromeNerd
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    That's pretty interesting. I'm the opposite of you. I've always been attracted to girls. I never liked guys at all until I was fourteen. I'm not sure if my attraction to guys is a phase or not. I've always been a girly girl, so the people I came out to didn't believe me. Right now I'm mostly in the closet because I'm not sure who I am. I'm kind of sick of being in the closet.
     
    #3 ChromeNerd, Jun 7, 2013
  4. Blabla

    Blabla
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    Thanks for the support you guys! Yeah, being in the closet feels suffocating. I would come out a few years from now (to some people at least), but I don't even know what to tell them, as I'm so unsure of what I am.
     
    #4 Blabla, Jun 8, 2013
  5. Aviale

    Aviale
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    You and the other posters in here are the same way I feel towards the opposite gender.

    You just feel as if you can go further with the same sex only, but you don't much mind dating the opposite sex.

    I believe that is still homosexuality. Not bisexuality or questioning or anything.
     
    #5 Aviale, Jun 8, 2013
  6. tigerlily

    tigerlily
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    Well, you can go through phases of which you prefer, although admittedly four years is a long time to be in a phase. Since your crushes on guys were only up until the age of 12, this could mean that perhaps you only had them because you thought those were the crushes you should have? After all even 12 is quite young, and it may be that you thought girls were supposed to have crushes on guys, so maybe it was partially so you could feel you fit in?

    But like I said earlier, you could just be in a phase of liking girls if you are bisexual. Or you could just have a really strong preference for them. If you think you are open to having relationships with guys, even if you'll ultimately end up with a woman, you might be bi. I identify as bisexual but I most often think of myself as ending up (if that's something that can really happen) with a girl. If you don't think that you would be open to having a relationship with a guy, I guess it's more likely you're a lesbian.
     
    #6 tigerlily, Jun 9, 2013
  7. Blabla

    Blabla
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    My crushes on guys were genuine, I'm sure of that. And I actually remember really liking a couple of guys one or two years ago, so my description was kind of inaccurate. I think you're totally right though, because now I think about it, I go through phases of liking one gender, then the other- I now clearly recall having a huge crush on a girl at the age of 5 or 6! So yeah. Thanks a lot for your help!
     
    #7 Blabla, Jun 9, 2013
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