Alright... So. Im not really into this whole thing. Like getting on websites and asking for advice, but lately Ive run out of options. I have no one to talk to about this. Its just bothering me so bad, and my head feels like its all scrambled. So... Sorry if this is long... I know Im bisexual. I really like girls, I can imagine myself being with a girl. I mean, when I think about it, I dont just feel sexual attraction. I feel love. And just complete attraction. The same way with guys. It just feels right. But my problem is, Im so uncomfortable with girls. I had a girlfriend recently, the relationship didnt work out. One, because she just wasnt my type. She flirted with guys alot, preppy, she didnt understand and she didnt care. And she just felt like she was faking it, ya know? It was one of those retarded highschool relationships. But the thing that worries me is that I couldnt get close to her, either psychically or mentally. Just putting my arm around her made me feel uncomfortable. The thought of kissing her made me just wanna run and hide. The only thing I could bare to do is hold her hand. I couldnt keep a conversation. Now every girl that flirts with me, I get uncomfortable. I dont get this way with guys, I just get nervous with guys. But not uncomfortable. I mean... Im bisexual. I like girls. But I just cant be comfortable around most of them. My theory is.... I just dont like the girls that flirt with me. Like if a guy started flirting with me, and I didnt like him, Id probably get uncomfortable too. Or maybe I just dont like those type of girls, maybe I like girls that act less preppy and girly. I feel like theyre judging me when they flirt with me or when Im around them. Im perfectly fine with straight girls, I dont feel uncomfortable around them. Im like this with everyone, Ive been like this all my life. Nervous around people, sort of shy. I never belonged anywhere, I always had problems. Never fit in, even though people say I do. Im closed. I just dont mentally feel apart of anything. Or any group. And now its effecting my relationships, I dont feel like Im normal enough for someone to like me. Or I feel... weird. Like an outcast. Maybe thats why I dont feel right with some girls? Theyre too different from me? Or maybe Im not bisexual at all? I dont know...
Welcome to EC, this is definitely a good place to go to ask for advice When you imagine it, you really can see yourself with a girl, physically and emotionally? It`s a comfortable thought to you? Do you notice pretty girls on the street/attractive girls at work/school, etc? And by attractive, I don`t mean just their physical features, but do you notice if a girl smiles a certain way, or feel attracted to how she walks, acts, etc? Are you comfortable with it up until the point of actual flirting? Sounds to me like you are bisexual, but that you have some intimacy issues and a negative reaction to people stepping on your comfort-zone, mentally and physically. It also sounds a bit like you have a self-esteem issue. What is it about these pretty girls who flirt with you that makes you feel like they are judging you? What is it about them, that make you feel inferior? I think maybe you ought to think some about that, before deciding whether or not this is actually about your sexuality. Thing is, men are non-intimidating that way, it`s not so easy to compare ourselves to them and pointless to do so physically. Another girl on the other hand, one who sees through the make-up, who notices things in a different way than most guys would, I can understand that it makes the situation feel different and you are not the first bi or lesbian girl to feel intimidated by other women due to perceiving them as better or prettier. I`ve heard about it before, hell, I`ve felt it before. For some reason, being judged by a woman during dating feels worse than being judged by a man. But you are right, it definitely gets in the way of the chance to achieve a good relationship with someone, so it`s something that ought to be combated and fought down. It could also be that you simply haven`t found the right girl, that you are attracting a certain type that aren`t really your type. We all have different tastes and react differently with various people. I react badly to the quiet, "blank" (the invisible wall they put up so that you don`t easily see the emotions on the inside) type, as I am the type of person who likes to know what the other person is thinking and feeling, and if I don`t know I have a bad tendency of interpreting it as something negative. So, if I cannot read the girl, I can get uneasy and feel like it`s not really working out. It`s due to my own insecurities, and not a fault of hers, but it`s just how I am. I find that the bubbly, skipping about, black or white type is one that I am very attracted too, but with a solid portion of emotional stability and maturity. It`s the best fit to my personality, really. So, you might simply not have been flirted with by the right type of person yet. And you might need to work on that self-esteem a bit, so that you feel less threatened when flirted with. Being comfortable in your own shoes is important, but we all feel insecure at some point. Try not to think of these girls as prettier or more confident than you, and if they are flirting with you then they are certainly not judging you for anything. But these things take a little work. Also, it`s easy for me to deal with guys flirting, because they don`t interest me. I don`t care about them or their flirting, so it`s an easy thing to handle. When we care, we generally get more cautious, more insecure, more nervous. If you are going on a date with someone, and there are no butterflies, then unless it`s a friend of 10 years, it`s a bad sign. The intimacy issues might also require some work, but in my experience often it gets worse when we`re with the wrong person. Sounds like your GF didn`t exactly do much to make you feel comfortable with her, it might be a completely different experience with someone else!
