I suppose that's why they call it "questioning" :eusa_thin. I don't really know what I am, and I would really appreciate some help on this one ^^. So yeah, here's my story: When I was about 10, I learned what the word lesbian meant when kids at school kept calling me 'lesbian' and 'gay' and I asked my Dad. I remember him getting really angry. I just learned that 'gay' and 'lesbian' must mean bad things, and being with the same gender was bad, since people were using them as insults. I think it was because I was close friends with a girl, but I didn't really think of her in a romantic way. So I told myself I wasn't gay (whatever that meant), and I told everyone else too. I kind of became afraid of being gay, and didn't really mention it. This continued on through most of highschool. I've had crushes on both guys and girls, although I've only really had relationships with guys. Although, I don't seem to actively pursue relationships, rather I fall into them; so I'm not sure if that's an active descision, more an act of apathy because it's easier. However, when highschool ended, I started to get used to the idea that I might at least be bi. I've started questioning a lot more again now that I am a few months out of a particularly long straight relationship. I've been having a lot of fantasies with women in them lately, and I want to date a woman. But I'm afraid it is simply because I've just been in a long relationship with a guy, and I'm reacting against that. Or maybe because I've gotten used to thinking of myself as bi (although not really telling anyone), and not really wanting to relinquish that. As well, I kind of find sex a bit weird. I find genitals a bit weird and penetration has mixed effects. At the moment; I've had kind of crushes on guys, but when I think of sexual things with them, it just leaves me feeling uncomfortable and kind of turned off. But I had a crush on a girl I'd only really seen and not spoken to, and well... that had the opposite effect. I'm a bit afraid to speak to even some of my gay friends. I know it's silly, but I don't want to be like "I'm totally bisexual/lesbian/pansexual/aromantic?" and then turn out to not be what I initially thougt I was. Or I'm kind of afraid to date a woman, because I might turn out straight, and then she would be all "well, you're not a REAL Lesbian!". Heck, I'm afraid to come up to a girl all questioning and recieve that response. :icon_sad:
From the sounds of it, you know that you have an attraction to women. I'd say to put yourself out there and try it, which is easier said than done, I know. And as much as I don't like when people use bisexuality as a transitioning tactic, if a girl asks, tell her you're bi if you're uncomfortable telling her you're still questioning. I was afraid of the same exact thing -- that I would somehow be wrong, or be told I wasn't what I thought I was. The funniest thing? Once I started dating women, I met an amazing girl and am now more sure than ever that I am gay. Nothing to say that you're not bi, bc that's totally awesome if you are! Just try experimenting a little bit, there's nothing wrong with it.
