I always have been bisexual and have been open about it to the point even my parents know, but lately I'm not sure. I've had three boyfriends, not at the same time lol, but I found myself always thinking about when the relationship would end, sometimes even before we became an official couple. In mid-high school I said I was a lesbian in order to fit in with my gay straight alliance club better and dissuade my many (non existent) male prusuers. I enjoyed my lesbian status, too the extent of occasionally flaunting it. My two best friends, I'll call boy and girl, were the best. Girl is a lesbian and a year older than me, boy is straight, a year younger and the three of us were president of the gay straight alliance club for our grades. Me and girl were meant to date from before we even gathered the courage to talk to each other, and it took almost a year of bonding and romantic tension before we confessed to liking each other. We went out for longer than I'd dated any guy, but then she joined the Navy and we hadn't been as close since she graduated anyway so we resided to part ways. I then became a hasbian and changed schools. I realize now I've had girl crushes sense elementary school and the boy crushes were just an unpopular girls attempts to be like other girls. I think Asian guys are hot and I'm even in a romance with a hot Asian guy now. He is really nice to me, I've never had someone romance me like this before, but he lives in another state and while he plans to move to my town, I'm not sure I even like guys in the way I need to in order to love him. I don't want to touch or even see a penis, I've been allowing myself to think about sex with a girl for the first time and I like it more and in the last month I've been less and less interested in guys even being shirtless. With gay marriage being legalized near by and all the weddings in the family I find myself thinking about wedding stuff(I'd have a bouquet of 50 paper cranes and she would hold the other 50) and I never thought about marrying before. I can't imagine straight sex being good for me. I'm 100% against penetration but I'm a 21 year old virgin, so I don't know if I'm in a position to say what I like. I can't come out until I know what I am, and I'm scared if I do realize I'm gay and come out... what if I feel different later? Its way different telling my parents I'm bi than gay, because all the things that come with not liking the opposite sex. I don't know how to be sure if I am gay. Help?:tears:
From what you're saying, you sounds pretty gay (not interested in men much anymore, not interested in straight sex, thinking about marrying a girl etc...) But we can't tell you who you are. That's something you'll have to figure out. To help you though, the world of bisexuality is not black and white fifty-fifty attraction. I mean, sometimes people are equally attracted to both men and women or anybody in between, but not always. Technically I could even call myself bisexual since there have been a couple guys over the years that I had a definite sexual attraction to. But I don't consider myself bi because damn near all of my attraction is to women. So, really, it's a sliding scale. It seems from what you've written you're toward the gay end of that spectrum, exactly how far down it you are, only you can say. But, really the labeling is just how you would best describe your attraction if you're trying to explain it to someone.
I think I am gay, but it still scares me. I have trouble talking about it with the few friends who know and an even harder time using the word lesbian in reference to myself. I want to be able to accept myself for who I am but there are aspects of this I'm just not ready to face. Anyone have advice or tips for this kind of thing? I worry about going back into my personal closet just as much as I worry about coming out of it.
