Hi guys, I'm not sure how I ended up here but I here I am. I'll start out. I'm 25, I'm married to a beautiful women as of 3 years now, and we've been together for over 8, since high school. As of late we've been having some unexplained dramas. I've felt very upset, depressed, empty, and a strong feeling of not knowing who I am. I've had this before about a year ago, and we broke up for a small period. At first in my mind I put it down to the stress of trying to have a baby. Both of us have medical conditions, we've been trying for 4 years or so, and at this point were almost ready to start IVF. We were both frustrated, didn't understand why it's happened to us, both healthy, don't drink, no drugs etc. etc. Now I came home from a concert the other day with some friends to my wife who was terribly upset. She has been for the last 4 weeks or so. Up and down, we both have. Now we haven't had sex for at least a month, and this has happened before, last year, the year before. During our talking through it all she asked if I'm gay. She has asked this before quite often. Apparently some things I say, do, have made her think that. Not to mention she claims there is no passion in our love life, no intimacy. I've had a homosexual experience when I was about 13 or 14, where a friend and I masturbated one another. I was aroused, but after it I was disgusted in myself. My wife has been really supporting through our recent dramas, and has said even though she'll be super upset, she wants me to be honest with myself, as we both deserve happiness, and that I need to work out what is going on in my stupid head before we proceed. Now I really don't know if I am gay or not. I mean I've never really had the urge or desire for men, but I have been aroused unexplained by random males at times, I've never had confidence with any female ever, and apart from my wife, I've never had any other sexual partners or encounters. My wife spoke to my mum, and a close friend of hers that know me, and they've all had wondered at some point whether I was or not. Now I want to be honest with myself, with my wife. I want her to be happy, and I also want happiness. I just really don't know, I'm so confused, and since we've been discussing it I don't know if I'm doubting myself or what. We've both had a weird feeling in our relationship that something was not right, and never pin pointed it. Could this be it? I mean I love my wife, but she put it best, it's like we are best friends that share a bed, and live under the same roof. I just don't know what to do or where to go from. My head is a whirlpool and I'm not sure about myself at all anymore. Thanks for reading.
Well, you could be just curious if you do not wish to be with a man, if you have no confidence with a woman; then we're both on the same boat buddy, I'm not very attractive at all where I live and I am not very desirable and I also suffer from nervousness and do not find myself attracted to men in a sexual way at all. However you seem to have said you never had encounters or intentions to do so until now; when you finally have become depressed. Which gives me the idea that you are unhappy and trying to find someplace else for love meaning you are lonely and just trying to find this love and you bisexual tendencies are showing. In short: Maybe you two should go through a trial separation and have an open relationship and try things out with other people, maybe you just need a kick in the pants to tell you that she is right for you OR you need a wake up call and tell you that you might not be right for each other, as for you sexuality at this point; go with the label (if you wish) as Pomosexual; it means undefinitve, which you seem to be unable of doing so, but I personally assume people who are questioning that they are more likely Bi because alot of people go with Porn being arousing which if you look at it, it is not the way to tell your sexuality because you don't get turned on by it. Plus I don't personally know the person in question and do not know their situation but I think it helps and discovering ones sexuality should be a slow discovery. As for the confidence regarding women, do not worry, I am in the same boat as you buddy and I will tell you now; it is not fun and it is REALLY not cool to be as this kind of low. So just go with what you know is positive with yourself and grow from that.
Well we've discussed what to do and where do we go from now. I mean we are both torn about it all. Obviously no one wants to end a long time relationship, but there has been something missing for both of us, and I'm not sure if this it for my part, if that makes sense. I'm not sure I'm just so lost right now. I'm not sure or certain about anything. I wish I could have an easy answer, not all these ambiguous emotions, feelings. I'm just not sure whether or not I've been living a lie, or subconsciously suppressing it. I've never really thought much into others who deal with these kind of struggles, I really feel sorry for those who do, now that I'm somewhat on a similar path.
There is always a bit of uncertainty, but like I said, try things out, maybe this is a problem that needs to be addressed by talking and doing other people regardless of their gender. Give it a go.
