Am I bisexual or not...?!?

Hi!!

It's understandable to feel scared on approaching people of the same sex, given your age and sexual experiences. I'm 20 and I've never dated or had sex with no one; so in your situation I'd be überscared haha.

However, I think it would be good idea to experiment and learn about yourself from those experiences. Do you have LGBTI friends? Maybe they can help you get into their activities. You can also try LGBTI activist groups and get to know a lot of girls. There are also straight people who work and support those groups, so your questioning will go hidden. Besides, meeting people through those groups will make them get to know their personalities much better; gay bars are mostly, as far as I know, for casual encounters. You can tell key people there about your orientation and receive support and orientation.

I haven't seen this in your post, but I'd suggest to keep your sexual orientation open. Don't label yourself as bi, lesbian or straight until you've experienced and thought enough.

 

I am 19 right now. I am just as confuse as you. I dated men and liked them but I never really work out with them. For the past 19 years, I assume that I like guys, but part of me just feel something different. I am scare of meeting people, too. I am scare of letting anyone knows how I feel.

 

I'm 29 and a guy, I had a long term relationship with a woman since late teens and have found myself in situation that has some similarities to yours.

When you think about wanting to experiment with a woman it would seem that you have sexual urges that you want to investigate further.

If you can, try to think what it was/is like when you begin a sexual relationship with a man, in the same way you probably have urges, but you may not simply have sex with one person before getting to know them. So ask yourself if it is someone you feel comfortable with, and seeing how you're thinking about going to gay bars it seems you don't have a person in mind but want to satisfy your hunger to answer these questions about your urges.

Take a step back, think about how it makes you feel. give yourself some personal time and time to reflect on and even fantasize about the idea of being with another woman. not just in the proverbial bedroom, but how do you feel when you visualize your life with another person all around. cooking dinner with them, sharing a bottle of wine, going on vacation and running errands together. What does it feel like when you think about waking up next to another woman.

Give it some time and try it on more than one occasion to allow yourself time to adjust to accepting the possibility and then you'll allow yourself to see how comfortable a fit it is. It sounds easy enough, but in practice we have a lot of emotional and personal things that can stop or block us from truly thinking about it, especially if you have now or have had in the past people around - close to you - who may not be so accepting of people who aren't hetero.

When you do this experiment don't ignore your sexual urges, but do so safely and don't rush into anything, masturbation and pornography can be a good way to get you mind around what it would be like to be with a woman sexually, or more importantly how it makes you feel. When we fantasize we have the control and its absolutely safe. We can allow ourselves to delve into anything we desire, but we don't have to move forward into action unless we feel we want to and are comfortable with it.

When you fantasize, notice how you feel during your fantasy, are you relaxed, do you feel comfortable, are you enjoying it, is it pleasurable. Sometimes you may feel differently after your personal time, and not always in a good way. This can happen a lot when people have conflicting feelings in terms of what their bodies are desiring, what their emotions are feeling, and what they have as a preconceived notion from conditioning as to what is acceptable and what is not.

If you do this and are conflicted and feel pulled in two directions, you may even try to convince yourself you have no real desire to be with women, just a fleeting eroticism, but if you have feelings that are recurring and you have some back and forth on your emotions vs. your desires, take some time to rethink about life in a relationship with another woman, allow yourself in your meditation to take that partner around to those people you know and love and support you, your family, friends, coworkers. Realize that while you may never do this, you should be trying to be comfortable with the idea because it is your choice to be with who you want and nobody else can take that from you. If there is anybody you feel uncomfortable around during this exercise, think about why you feel that way, and also think about if your fears about that persons reaction are founded.

Get comfortable with yourself before you make the step, but don't let a little anxiety stop you either, those butterflies are part of the fun and you need to step outside of your comfort zone to grow in any direction you choose. Once you feel comfortable then feel free to go out and go to a gay bar, go to a club, but if you can, try to bring someone with you you can trust and you feel comfortable talking to about this. Good friends are often more easy to talk to than we think.

Go have fun, try to enjoy every step of your journey and realize if you never have a full answer but enjoy the experiences and feel good about yourself and are safe, there is nothing that you have or will do that should alienate any friends or loved ones worth having, and you don't owe an explanation to anyone.

Sorry for being long in the tooth, and I don't know if this is answers your question at all, but I hope so. Good luck!!!

 

Berky, your advice could not be more welcome or wise, thank you very much for it. I'm beginning to realize that I'm attracted to women but have been with men all my life, so have absolutely no idea how to do this. But you're right about getting comfortable with yourself, even with the accompanying anxiety of discovery - life is no fun without a risk here and there.

"I would really like to go out and explore this but I have no idea how that world works and Im scared to even consider approaching a girl. I have thought about going to some gay bars and seeing what happens but that scares me to and I dont drink so cant have any of that for a little courage."

This is exactly how I feel right now too... really wish I could drink booze at times like this. But as weird as it sounds considering we could all be on opposite ends of the world, it's comforting to know that there are people all over the place in the same situation, and so many more who have lived to tell about it!

We'll be ok. We just need to be true to ourselves, and not worry about the expectations or demands of anyone else.

I'm shy, and a bit of a social-moron who suffers from recurring cases of foot-in-mouth disease when I'm nervous, but I'm going to be 28 years old soon, and can't keep on questioning myself. So I'm going to a gay bar in my home town this weekend; as luck would have it, the city is celebrating Gay Pride this week, so I figured it's time. Honestly, I'm utterly terrified - I don't know a single lesbian or gay man in this city, but I do know the pub will be over-crowded, boisterous and sweaty as we're in the middle of a heatwave here - but I'll let you know all about it if it might help?

JLJL85, I hope that this helps you as much as it's helped me; this is my first post, and has been kind of cathartic.

Thank you for questioning, and good luck finding your answers.

 

Zhaan,

Glad it helped. It's really the advice I've piece together and given myself. I'd live a drink with you right now but I'm in Sacramento. I'd PM you but that having been my only post to date, I don't haven't earned PM privileges yet. Hope you have fun this week and have an opportunity to notice what you're enjoying and are able to pay attention to it, remember it, and grab hold if it.

I have been trying to remind myself that none of this is permanent. If you try something and like it all the more power to you, if not, try something else. You live only once and I don't intend to waste any of my life wondering what if.

Cheers!

 

'experiment' first and see how it goes. You may end up liking it, you may not. If you like it, you'll probably be classed as bisexual but if you don't then you're not. An experiment in a science lab doesnt make you a scientist so one with another.girl wont make you gay/bi