I know I'm for sure gay so that isn't the question, but I'm not sure what to identify myself as and it's freaking me out. When I first realized I was gay, I didn't have the whole gradual realization process or questioning stages, it kind of just hit me one day out of the blue when I discovered the feelings I had for a close friend were, well, more than friendly, so I just basically assumed I'm bisexual since I have found many males attractive. But that was years ago, and now that I'm older and understanding myself more, and also coming out to people left and right, it's hitting me that something doesn't feel right. I know I'm young, but now that I feel so unsure of my sexuality, it's been causing some stress. I've always claimed that I'm "too different" for guys, and something felt off when I tried flirting/connecting with them on higher levels. However, I've only dated girls so maybe it's just because I've never actually been with a guy before that I can't see myself with one? Ahhh. I'm just wondering if this is normal and if anyone else has gone through the same in the past? Anything would be soo appreciated.
Do you ever imagine/fantasize about being with a guy? I assume when you say "connecting on higher levels" you mean emotionally. I'm just the same way. I've never felt deep emotional or romantic attraction to women, only men. And even though I can appreciate a good-looking women, I can't imagine myself doing anything sexual with her. And dating a girl for seven months in high school did nothing to change that. Don't get too focused on labels though, they're really only as valuable as you make them.
You know when straight girls say : I'd turn lesbian for her (As a way to say that the girl is hot).. well why can't lesbian girls say : I'd turn straight for him (Again, as a way to say that the guy is hot) .. ?? But at the end the straight girl is still straight, and the lesbian girl is still a lesbian. Finding a man cute/hot/beautiful doesn't mean you are attracted to him. It just means that you can appreciate/notice beauty. It's not because you are a lesbian that you can't see that some guys are hot and others are just not. Same with gay men about women. I hope it helps, if not, then I'm sorry and hope someone's comment will/did.
Oh, believe me, the majority of my frustration is coming from the fact that I can't believe I'm so consumed with the need to fit myself under a specific label. I've never needed this "security blanket" before. I suppose it's because I've been mentally preparing myself to come out to more family soon, and it really took me by surprise when I realized I'm actually confused after 4 years of conscious awareness of not being straight. As for fantasizing about being with a guy, I've done it plenty of times, but it always seemed.. off. Kind of like a puzzle piece being a close match but not the exact one. I just can't seem to find myself actually feeling emotionally connected, like you said, with a guy. Thanks for your response by the way. c: ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2013 at 11:42 PM ---------- So funny you gave this perspective, I was actually just thinking earlier today about how many of my girl friends whom are straight say things like "oh she's so hot" "that's an attractive woman right there" and it's merely an observation of someone they find good looking, not an indicator of their sexuality. This is actually so true and really helpful, thank you.
In my past I had only dated guys, but knew in the back of my mind that I was gay. But I could always see myself with a woman even though I had never been with one. You're allowed to think people are attractive, regardless of their gender. I think plenty of guys are nice to look at but have no desire to be with them, emotionally or physically. But it doesn't stop me from admiring them
