Before I found EC I had been in a lesbian group on this other website for a while. I really was convicted that I was unquestioningly lesbian. Then I went back to college and there was a guy in my class that I found myself attracted to. I told one of my friends on that website about it and her response was extremely patronizing, as if she thought that at my age i should know what my orientation is, and she also thought it was "cute" that i might be bi. I never expected to be patronized about my orientation. Ostracized yes, but patronized no. Anyone else had this experience? What is a person to do with this? ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2013 at 06:24 PM ---------- Uh, sorry that was supposed to be convinced, not convicted.
When I went to the GSA at school Introduced myself as bi'. Many of them were like "Just give it a while. You're still in transition." That was very patronizing because I KNOW what looks attractive to me. Sometimes I ignore patronizing and sometimes I confront it. It depends on whether I want to educate someone or if that would be wasting my breath.
I see what you're saying. Who can step inside someone's shoes and know what someone ELSE thinks or feels? No one, really. Once, I was in the vicinity of a lesbian who was somewhat obvious, and that issue crossed my cousin's stream of consciousness. He said "What she needs is a man to show her the way." His wife rolled her eyes. His comment was idiotic. Patronized? I think I told of the situation where my dental hygienist, when living another city, made a snide comment about my travel plans. That was patronizing, to me. I didn't push it because I had an honest dentist who never found anything needed except for cleanings.
That's the worst, isn't it? You'd think that in the LGBT community, there would be fewer close-minded people.
I read too fast and misunderstood to a degree. That said, I have heard the same line that biguy50 heard about 2 or 3 times.
Many of my supportive gay friends refuse to acknowledge bisexuality in males as a genuine orientation. My advice is good luck!! Maybe bisexuals should start their own movement. It seems gay pride is centered around solely gays and lesbians. I believe it is real and I hold my same standards of dating towards both gay and bi males. But I think we're too diverse with several differences to be lumped into one unifying LGBT. just my opinion though
I've been patronized a lot, both for my disability and my orientation. With regards to my orientation, one of the most common comments I get when I tell people is 'you just haven't found the right guy yet'. Which really bugs me, because: a) most straight girls don't need to 'find the right guy' to feel sexual attraction, or know they're feeling sexual attraction b) even if I did 'find the right guy', that would make me demisexual, which is still on the asexual spectrum c) why couldn't I find the right girl instead?
I did get patronized a tad for identifying as bisexual at my school. That was because of the fact that I was mistaking being biromantic for being bisexual, but there was most definitely patronism.
Hmm... This probably sounds silly but I never considered that I might be biromantic vs. bisexual. I know that's slightly off topic. Thanks for posting that Bobbybobby, gives me something to think about. My personal take on people being patronizing is that it is really self centered behavior. Everyone is different on all levels but I think people who are patronizing are assuming that their experience must be universal, or that they know what the real answer is. This is just wrong. As was stated you'd think there would be more understanding among the LGBTAI community.
I recently just told my friend that Im pretty sure I'm lesbian and he said "it's just a phase" I found that quite annoying.. I had spent ages trying to work out how I feel and I have come to accept it and now I'm doubting myself again
I think bisexual women actually have it worse in the LGBT community than the straight community! Both communities have a hard time taking the identity seriously, but it's only lesbians who I've heard sounding actively threatened and disgusted by it.
There are times I think the gay community would self divide if allowed until we were groups of 1.. But seriously, I think the discrimination against bisexuals comes from the fact tt is so much easier to make everything black and white instead of it being shades of color. I am married to a woman yet I still self identify as gay.. what the..
People like to think in terms of dualities - we're born 100% gay or 100% straight and anything else is irrelevant. Because a lot of gay people came out and identified as bisexual first, either knowing they weren't or not, they have this idea that everyone else is going down the same path, and will eventually end up where they are. That's bad enough, but what really gets me is how some will completely invalidate another person's identity with immature and divisive comments like "bi now, gay later" or "gay, straight, or lying". Suppose most bisexuals are on the road to embracing gaydom... wouldn't that be even more reason to support them, to show them they're in good hands, surrounded by supportive allies? Why would you want to make enemies with someone who might very well be standing side-by-side and fighting the same battles in the near future? It makes no sense. I think this might be one reason I've been hesitant to adopt the gay label, and still maintain close ties with the multisexual community; also because I see sexuality on a spectrum and don't feel gay, straight, and bisexual could ever do it justice. Even as someone leaning closer to gay lately, I'll be the first one to speak out against biphobia and transphobia in the absence of support. The sexual "hardliners" and "extremists" can get on my nerves, at times.
I get patronised all the time, but never about my sexuality. I'm probably just not out to enough people to get that, plus I chose sensible people to come out to firs. I feel that this thread is getting off topic and devolving into a debate about LGBT privilege, which I strongly urge everybody to steer clear off. It's a (rightfully) touchy subject around here and never ends well. "Gay people have monosexual privilege" "Bi people have straight privilege" Who cares? The point is, we all experience similar types of discrimination and we need to try to work together to end it, rather than creating internal conflicts. I think gay pride is to do with expressing yourself and not being ashamed of who you are. Unless you're referring specifically to the name "gay pride", in which case I believe it predates LGBT as an acronym. Maybe it's time to change it, fair enough; I'm just making the point that the exclusion of bi people from the name isn't a personal insult. And as for separating into different communities, that would do nothing more than increase the acrimony that some gay and bi people feel towards each other, as well as creating a terrible political statement about us to the heterosexual community. I see what you're saying, but I think that could equally apply to any community. The problem is in the definition of the word "community" itself. Some people seem to have the idea that it means we all act like mindless Stepford drones of each other, when in fact the point of having a community is that we are united by our departure from the heteronormative, in spite of the fact that we are equally diverse and varied to heterosexual people.
I think we are all patronized somehow But to be blankly honest, It seems over the years, LGB people have been more accepted by society, Now in my opinion, what i think hasn't been fully accepted and Is definitely misunderstood are Transgender people. I feel they have it pretty rough and aren't as accepted as LGB people. Over the past months, I've witnessed so much discrimination against them and having people definitely misunderstand them. There are laws that definitely help transgender people out and protect them but as a society, I feel a lot seem to misunderstand them. But overall, we all experience some type of patronizing and as a community, we should continue to help eachother out ....and not create stereotypes within it ------------------------------------- as for me, i think...i've been patronized, i've been told my feelings could be hormones, it could be a phase,that I don't like girls because I was apparently "boy crazy" ....and I believed most of that stuff but i'm beginning to let go. i've had girls who are bisexual tell me i'm confused or that i'm going through a phase....so it's kind of backwards because it's usually people tell bisexuals they are confused or they are going through a phase so In kind of of think, that's funny.
