So, to save me waffling on, I'm gonna try and boil this down to the bare facts. I'm 22. I'm a guy. I'm a virgin. I identify as straight. Basically, I am questioning my sexuality for two main reasons: -I get turned on by huge muscles and imagining growing myself -My male housemate just moved out yesterday, and it brought about some weird feelings. So, with the first point. I watch many types of porn, but certainly enjoy stories/images/videos where there is an emphasis on muscularity, large privates, including the women's breasts too, a bit of a macrophilic theme in general. As for the second, I've never felt emotionally connected to a guy, like the way I crush on girls, except for this guy. But, I'm wondering because he's been my uni housemate for 3 years, (the other 3 housemates, have sorta changed every year), whether it's just a very strong bromance of sorts, and when he left the other day, I felt genuinely sad. My closest guy friends back home, and I've never felt like this about them, but then I wasn't seeing them everyday for 3 years of my life. We had a huge last night out, and the next morning 3 of us, him, and one of the girl housemates were lounging on my bed watching tv, and I just had this urge to roll over and hug him... I dunno. weird. Be nice if someone could weigh in with their thoughts on that. As for being a virgin. I appear very confident in my day to day life, and I'm very popular within my year at uni. But, I actually have crippling self-esteem and nerve problems in many areas of my life. Like with giving presentations, or reluctance to try anything new. Any my sex life is not an exception. I have had one serious girlfirend at uni, and fooled around a lot with her and that turned me on. But when it came to taking things further, I'd get so nervous about being crap at sex, that well the energy kinda died. I talked with this about her, and we were just gonna give it time. But after a couple of months, we had got further, but still not there, and then suddenly exams for our medical degrees were upon and we broke up to work for them. I currently have a crush on a girl, but again am not asking her out, as I have another set of exams coming up, but anyway, my housemate leaving, he did it quite suddenly, and so we didn't really have a proper goodbye, and I just havent felt this sad in a while. And as for the muscle fetish, I can get turned on without it, watching regular porn, but its like a bonus if its in there. So, basically, this is probably more for me to just write things and think things though. But I'd also really appreciate it if anyone could weigh in or relate to what I'm going through. Or suggest another more appropriate site for me if you know of one? Thanks to all who read this!
I think this is pretty normal. Have you looked into biromantic attraction? It is possible to be straight, but biromantic.
Thanks for replying! No, I haven't heard of it. Could you enlighten me, and how it works for my situation?
No probs! : D Here's a wiki article about what they call Romantic orientation: Romantic orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Well fact that you "...had this urge to roll over and hug him" seems to me like there could be something there (or at least to look into).
Erusnu, I have been going through the same thing as you. Huge muscles have always turned me on. I am a virgin too, but older. I remember having sexual dreams of superhero men or bodybuilders during purberty. We could be gay or straight. It doesn't really matter though. I am starting to think the real problem is that real life people will never satisfy this fetish. Most people aren't chiseled gods or huge. You probably are upset you don't get aroused by looking at a small skinny blonde women. Acceptance is the key I think. I might be leaning to bisexual for myself because I get very hard when making out with women and sometimes watching porn - muscles just add to the excitement. I do not think we will ever know unless we get out there and get to know real people (I am stuck on this stage). As for your other issue. I had a good friend that I would hang out with constantly. Over a couple years we grew very close. We had the same sense of humor and he wasn't a bad looking guy. One day, he just told me he accepted a job somewhere else and was moving far away within the month. I was devastated. I don't know if it was a crush, but I think I was upset that all the good times would come to an end. We still keep in touch, but its not the same. Maybe you wanted to hug him because you have such a good time hanging out with him? Doesn't have to be sexual. Anyway. I hope this helps. This muscle fetish has really screwed me up for a long time. LOL. I hope you can conquer your problems and perhaps give me some advice when you figure it out.
Not only this, but you could be bi-curious, or even bisexual. I don't think that your feelings of sadness at your roommate's leaving are any indication of your sexuality though, unless it feels like there are some other feelings mixed in there. I mean, he's been your roommate for 3 years, so I suppose that you two have probably gotten pretty close, but it's not like it's abnormal to feel sad when he moves away.
Hey there! As for your first problem, I wouldn't worry about it too much, arousal does not equal attraction. Hell, the straightest of males can get turned on by watching gay porn long enough. As for your second one, I don't know your situation extremely well, but as others have said it's possible bi-romanticism. But, given your situation, I think it may have just been the extreme sadness at having your friend move away, it's not odd at all to want to express your friendship physically (I.E. hugs, handshakes, general horseplay). It's human nature to be physical and social, and the urge to hug your friend of many years on his last day before moving away doesn't really seem odd to me at all.
I'm not so sure porn alone should be used as an indicator of sexual orientation, since there are gay men who get off to lesbian porn, lesbians who get off to gay porn, and straight men and women who get off to gay and lesbian porn and everything in between. Especially if you watch quite a bit of porn, dare I say, addicted, it can really mess with your arousal patterns and perceptions of own sexual orientation. When you're a young man who can get it up for anyone under the right circumstances, it's easy to question these things, so I'd say looking into past behaviors would be more accurate, and you don't sound in denial at all to me. And you were close to a guy, it's not a crime. There are countless stories of similar relationships between 'brothers' in the military, sports, specific jobs, etc where all-male environments promote healthy friendships between men. You just seem like someone who isn't sure of themselves, having had little experience with women, and are nervous with sex due to self-esteem issues, not at all uncommon with first timers. I don't want to say 'go out and experiment!' but I think that might be necessary if you want any more accurate answers.
Thanks everyone. I think I am having some more clarity. I hadn't seen my roommate since I wrote the original post. And then yesterday by chance he was driving through city as I was walking down the road we lived on, and he was stopped at traffic lights. He called to me, and it took me by surprise. But there was no "OMG, I wanna run to him and embrace him...etc" at all. It was more wow this is weird, didn't expect to see you so soon, how you doin mate, back to old chummy times. so that clears that up! And as for my muscle fetish. I am straight, I emotionally/romantically attach myself to girls definitely and have a crush on one currently! - too busy with exams to act on it now though! As for physical/sexual attraction, I think I am just mega horny and any skin-skin contact regardless of gender can set me off atm! I just wish I was bigger more muscular, and I enjoy that fact, but I don't see myself sexually with me, but I do see myself intimately enjoy a passionate moment with a cute petite girl, enjoying my body and eyes. and feeling comfortable. wow fantasizing a bit there, but that's the dream! I'm writing this in bed and my head is foggy and I'm tired, so forgive me! But in short, thanks for all the kind words. nd I think I have everything straightened out now! THanks all! x
I don't think you have a reason to worry about the feeling you had when your roommate left. Take it from someone that's actually questioning their sexuality. In college, I'd sometimes have finals after everyone went home. After everyone left, whether I was in a dorm or apartment, I felt pretty lonely and kind of weird too. I would think that would be magnified when you've been friends with this person for years.
