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Bargaining/Stages of Grief

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ThinkingZeno86, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. So I think I'm still bargaining when it comes to me being MtF. I keep thinking why can't I just be okay with being a guy? Why does it kill my soul to be put into this box that society has created? Maybe if I just "will" for something more than this it will go away. Although I know these sorts of things don't just go away. Maybe if I prayed enough, loved enough, etc., etc. I don't know why I'm doing this in my head even though I know it's something that I will need to accept. Maybe you had a similar experience, but it was with your sexuality. How did you make peace with it?
     
  2. Stray

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    I had serious issues with my sexuality for a long time. I knew I wasn't straight at 13 or so, but I thought if I prayed hard enough, God would "cure" me. I became depressed, and prayed every night to be straight for 4 years. I then fell in love with my best friend, and he fell in love with me. Long story short, he broke up with me citing "we were sinning and God didn't want that." I became an alcoholic and began looking into hard drugs to cope with the pain. Before ever using them though, I stopped and looked at myself. If I was having to abuse substances just to remain straight, clearly me being straight was the sin, not me being gay. Over the next few months I slowly was able to accept myself and the idea that God made me the way I am, and that He wanted me to live my life happy and glorifying His name, not as a despairing drug addict.

    It was a long and difficult process, but I've ultimately come to fully accept and believe God loves all his children. And that most definitely includes you. :slight_smile: