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Loss of Sex Drive COnfused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jockiy88, Jun 17, 2013.

  1. jockiy88

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    First and foremost, the thing that scares me the most is that I am not the guy I thought I was for my entire existence. It might be long and I should let you know I'm a huge worrywart and thinker.

    I am approaching 20 years of age. Throughout my life I had huge crushes on girls and I dated them. I have never consciously thought about dating a guy or had any crushes on any of them. Of course, I notice attractive guys but just in an observational sense. I usually have a high sex drive, watching porn daily and masturbating at least once a day. I kind of pushed her to be more sexual. We had a small sexual incident where we had intercourse for a couple seconds but I stopped because we didn't have protection. For college, I moved to a place 5 hours away and before I left I had an anxiety attack because I thought I no longer liked my girlfriend anymore. I was mainly scared of hurting her and leaving her.

    Not long after I moved up and settled in, I thought my roommate was gay so I began questioning my orientation. I couldn't look at guys the same way for a bit and it was stressful. Later on, I got over it and proceeded with my life masturbating to girls and the such.

    I broke up with my girlfriend in February mainly because the relationship wasn't working out. I felt I was just using her physically and I wasn't really happy with my life. I was an emotional wreck and I ended it in hopes of developing myself. The break up was really bad for me. Now, whenever I see girls, I come up excuses why we would not work out like she seems to party too much or she seems like any other girl. Actually, that is my main excuse - all girls are the same, but I still imagine having sex with some of my exes and still watched porn. I was later offered to have sex by my hot friend but I declined on the premise that I wouldn't like using her as a physical object especially since she had troubles in her past involving men she hooked up with and with her house.

    I recently got a full time job for the summer with summer school courses. I wasn't really happy back then and told myself I won't be in a relationship when I'm like this. Basically, I couldn't see myself with any future even though I do have a high GPA and with this job, I am well off. I don't know what exactly happened but I guess I loss my sex drive for girls and began questioning my orientation again around the same time. I don't know the order. I soon became somewhat depressed and I don't know what is happening.

    To add, I live with my sister now, but she works the night shift so I don't see her all week. I don't have friends here and am slightly socially awkward when meeting people. All of my friends from my college moved back to their respective hometowns while I stayed. So really, I feel alone a lot so I don't know if this contributes to anything.

    Although I don't have sexual fantasies with men, whenever I see one of them, there is a strange sensation around my genitalia. My penis does not become erect or anything but it is just there. Needless to say, I became uncomfortable around them. I tried watching porn but it isn't as amusing and it is harder for me to ejaculate. This caused me to worry making me question my my actions. When I look at muscular men, I don't know if I like them or simply wish I had their body (I'm skinny). I would also wonder if their gf's were hot as well and how many times they could get laid Also, I wondered if I was subconsciously in denial my entire life. Like maybe I didn't continue having sex with my ex and also rejected sex from another because I wasn't attracted to females. And maybe I watch a lot of porn to subconsciously hide my orientation.

    Honestly, it has kept me up. Sometimes I think, "you just thought she was hot and would screw her. You are definitely straight" but then I would always wonder if that was actually the case or I was just hiding it. I come up with so many thoughts that disproves everything I thought to be true and it is scary. I know my family wouldn't care. I just don't know what is happening. I try to think of what its like for two men to have gay sex, but it seems it doesn't tell anything because I would just link it to girls having sex (since I watched that much hetero porn).



    Thanks for reading and sorry for being verbose. I had to get it out there and looking for some help.
     
  2. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    If you don't feel any sexual arousal, feelings, or desires towards attractive males, then I think it is safe to say you can rule out being gay or bi. What you are experiencing is admiration towards other guys and lots of straight guys admire other guys. You may want to have a more muscular body and are confusing that with having genuine gay thoughts. Unless I'm missing something here and you're not telling the complete story?
     
  3. Minx

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    To me, it sounds like you are way too stressed to have any kind of arousal or sex drive, which probably sends mixed signals as to what you're feeling regarding anyone. :3
     
  4. jockiy88

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    I don't think I'm missing anything. I tried thinking about guys. It didn't gross me but it didn't really arouse me. At the same time, I couldn't really use that to convince me because I could just be in denial. I'm just concerned with looking at guys and feeling something with my genitals and is freaking me out with my sudden decrease in sexual drive for females.
     
  5. Stray

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    When you describe looking at guys and "feeling something with [your] genitals" is it enjoyable? When you get "uncomfortable around guys" after experiencing that feeling, do you feel self-conscious?

    When the consciousness discovers newfound feelings, often it won't understand how to convey, handle, or interpret them. I asked about the feeling in your genitals being enjoyable, because you may be feeling referred romantic desire, yet your conscious is unsure how to handle that. I'll be able to offer more if you can answer my questions (it'll help me narrow down the possibilities).
     
  6. Reptillian

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    Have you considered asexuality? Also, sexual arousal can be seen as a physiological phenomenon rather than a true indicator of sexuality for males as r=.66 in studies shows it.
     
  7. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

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    One of the most important things to remember is that sexual attraction =/= sexual arousal.
     
  8. jockiy88

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    It is more of a feeling than anything. It doesn't pleasure me nor do I find it physically/ emotionally satisfying. It is simply there. It appears that this only occurs when I am self conscious meaning. When I don't think about this issue, it doesn't really happen. When it does happen it is pretty much with every guy
     
  9. Stray

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    Then it seems to be a physiological response to the anxiety that's brought on when you fear you're gay. So that, coupled with wondering about how often other guys get laid by their girlfriends, leads me to believe that you aren't gay. When I see a guy I'm attracted to, I think about us having sex, not him having sex with his girlfriend. I think you may just envy their perceived masculinity and have confused that for feelings of romantic attraction. Anxiety often leads to a suppressed sex drive, especially when the anxiety is centered on one's orientation.

    As for your feelings of all the girls you meet "seem the same", I think that's an indicator that your conscious will no longer get satisfaction from just hooking up with girls; it desires a strong emotional bond with another girl, one who's special. Since you talked about your loneliness and shyness, it'd make sense that you subconsciously want that stronger emotional bond that leads to love.

    Hopefully that helped!
     
  10. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Just because guys don't gross you out, doesn't mean you're gay or bi. Girls don't gross me out, but I don't feel any sexual desire for them. I can appreciate a good looking female, but that's it. I can understand the ridiculous pressure put on males. It's like the one drop of black blood rule in the Jim Crow South but in terms of sexual orientation. "American society says if you're a male and you have one same sex thought, you're forever gay!" It's total nonsense and even some gay males are guilty of reinforcing that.
     
  11. jockiy88

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    Yeah it helped. Thank you guys