, Im def trying to understand that just because im gay doesnt mean im not a tough masculine man. Over the years i worked hard at denying things and even now my brain reacts to what i believed was who i was. For example ill see a good looking woman and i know shes good looking but then when i think about dating her i change my mind its just from the repetition of denial i forced upon myself. My body has a sexual attraction to men but my brain from years of drilling it in my head trying not to admit i like men still automatically associates things with women even though theres no feelingbehind it. I dont feel i should come out to anyone else but myself until i feel 100% comfortable if ever. So confused does anybody else feel like this . im really not comfortable with the whole gay identity yet
I'm not TOTALLY sure what you mean, but I have a pretty good idea. Do you mean you have an automatic reaction to women? Because I do. Whenever I see a "hot" woman, I still do these mental gymnastics, where I'll picture a guy in my head and then say to myself, "see, I'm aroused, and I'm looking at a woman!" In the end, it will go away with time. I promise. It's already gone way down for me.
You, my friend, are experiencing what I sometimes experience as well. I want to say its normal for some guys, but you are (currently) the only other guy I know who feels like this. I, too, am not comfortable 100% with being gay (mostly because almost all of my childhood/good friends are straight, and so I thought/felt that I should be as well, but knew that I wasn't, but at the same time, was too afraid for the longest time to actually admit that I was gay until recently). Eventually, you'll start to become more accepting of yourself (I still somewhat have to, myself).
yeah that sums it up alright . Good description "mental gymnastics" , i call it bipolar sexuality. thanks for your help
You're not alone. It will just take some time for those "barriers" to come down. I constantly played similar mental games with myself. As you become more comfortable with your identity those mental games will subside and then cease to exist. Hang in there!
First of all, I just have to say, nice avatar pic. I thought that looked familiar. :icon_redf How embarrassing I know where that's from... I think I have just gotten myself through the phase that you seem to be in. There has always been that inkling in the back of my mind where I knew my true feelings for other guys. But that ingrained sense of "girl chasing" is a rough thing, I know. But once you accept that it is okay to have these feelings for other guys and that in the end you will probably end up much happier then you will be on the right track. Once there, it just takes time to fully come to terms and get out there! Good luck! Just remember, you're definitely not alone! (*hug*)
I can relate to that. If I get turned on by a girl or think a girl looks good I start to doubt myself. I think the hardest thing is realizing that you are gay....much harder than saying it to someone else. When I told my friend I couldn't even say the words "im gay". It wasn't really about telling her it was more about me hearing myself say it. I knew she'd be ok with it, but I wasn't. I also still sometimes think that being gay sucks....some days I have a hard time seeing myself being with another guy....it's off and on for me. I also feel weird now around my guy friends sometimes.