I have feelings for women, but am unsure about men. Help?

Um look thru a bunch of definitions of different orientation and see which one fits u or get to know someone u like from each sex and take it from there. or go to a lgbt church or lgbt center near u

 

If you're already 18 and have still never felt attraction to men, it's possible you're a lesbian. Obviously your upbringing prevented you from letting yourself feel and explore your natural sexuality. How do you think your sexuality might have unfolded if you grew up in an accepting environment, around LGBT people and allies? Can you easily imagine yourself integrating with them and coming out?

It's still possible you might be bi. Like you said, play it slow and closely observe how your mind and body responds to different people, whether in real life or just in your mind. And whatever you do, don't block out any thoughts, just let them come naturally, no matter how weird and uncomfortable they make you feel at first. Your upbringing probably got you into the habit of pushing away these thoughts. Your body should tell you who it wants.

If after a while you still don't feel attraction to men, that's fine. But you shouldn't try and force it.

And you don't have to apply a label to yourself unless you're comfortable with it. You could accept that you like women for now, and call yourself a lesbian, but later on if something happens with a guy, it happens, and you can use a different label. You don't have to completely solidify your identity. And you're only 18 so there's lots of time to figure everything out.

I wish I had better advice... but yeah some mental exploration and fantasizing might do you well, just to see what 'works' for you. It helped me once I got over my internalized shame and embarrassment. I could easily see myself with women, but with men, there was always this underlying anxiety and confusion. So idk, becoming fully comfortable with the idea in your own mind is a start I guess.

 

i think determining whether or not you're lesbian or bisexual is completely for you to decide. nobody knows how you feel more than you do. personally, i'm a lesbian but i as well know when a guy is good looking or not. i just don't necessarily have a lust for men. i have 0 problems with men, i just can't see myself in a relationship with one (which i have been in the past and i was pretty unhappy.) just because you can find men attractive, doesn't mean that you're bisexual. but then again, it can mean that. really, labels are just labels. you don't have to label yourself as something if you don't want to and just ultimately do what makes you happy. pretty much the way that you describe your thoughts on men, is the same as mine. and i'm a lesbian. but i know a lot of bisexuals that think the same way. just don't label yourself & live / date who you want.

on a side note, (assuming your friend maddy is straight) - don't waste your time crushing on straight people. 90% of the time they're completely straight and you're just going to hurt yourself in the end.

 

The most important thing is who you will be happy with. If you can picture yourself building a future and being happy with women and not men, you are probably a lesbian.

 

I can tell you what I feel and how I label myself, maybe you are like me.
There are people who feel like they are not completly bisexual and not truly lesbian.
In my case, I find women attractive much more than men, but i'm attracted to men, even if it rare, it's still happen sometimes.
so what am I? I label myself as bisexual homoromantic.
what does it mean? that i'm physical attracted to both men and women but have emotional attraction only to women.
After i found out i'm bisexual homoromantic, still bothered me the fact that I don't want to be with men.. i though to myself- "why do i feel like i dont want to be with men, maybe it means that i am a lesbian?"
But i figured it out! I want to be only with a women because the emotional connection is so important to me.. I can't be with someone or have sex with someone just because I think he's hot. so that's why I want to be only with women and date only women.. is that make sense?
So if you know you are physical attracted to men and women, and emotional attracted only to women, you can label yourself as bisexual homoromantic. and it's completely make sense if you feel like you want to be only with women.
But you really can label yourelf as anything, it's your choice and you have to feel comfortable with it.

 

Oh my gosh, your background describes mine to a T! Even the name of your crush (and I'm not sure if you used an alias or not) is maybe-kinda-possibly-exactly the same name as my friend who I first had a crush on. >///<

Anyway, let's start off with this: Don't try and label yourself yet. Labels are loosely accurate terms meant to describe yourself to other people- not to yourself! (This whole sexuality thing is on a scale anyway [i.e. the Kinsey Scale], so there are no define lines. ^.^)

Basically, I know exactly what you mean with that nonchalant feeling towards guys. Unfortunately only time can really tell with that, and you have to really ask yourself whether or not you can see yourself with a guy. Putting yourself in hypotheticals helps a lot! Image the most attractive guy you can conjure, and create a mental date with him. How would you feel about holding hands or being kissed, having a male counterpart tell you that he loves you? If it went further then that?

I have a lot of male friends- none of whom I'm particularly attracted to, but I do recognize ones that are good looking. This is most likely because as kids were raised to look for certain traits in people that made them beautiful or hot or attractive. So if I see a man with a tall, somewhat muscular build, a broad jawline and high cheekbones, that means that he has high testosterone levels and many women would be sexually attracted to him; therefore, he is attractive. But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm attracted to him- I've just been raised around people who were. It looks like it's a similar case for you as well! :3

I identify as bisexual because I once met guy who I actually could envision being in a relationship with, but I never went past the wondering stage. ;3 So because of my intense romantic infatuation with my Maddy, having romantic feelings toward other girls, and knowing for sure that I have an attraction to women, for me bisexual is 'into women but open-minded'. ;D
It's just easier to tell people bisexual then go into details!

Some people will have these same feelings and identify as lesbian. It's really up to what you feel comfortable with. :3

And even then it's not as black, white, and rainbow as just having a sexual orientation- people can have a different romantic orientation to their sexual orientation. This article describes it better then I probably can: Romantic orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The romances are accompanied by the sexual orientation. Most of the time, the romantic orientation accompanies the sexual orientation, like 'homoromantic homosexual', 'heteroromantic heterosexual', or 'aromantic asexual'. However sometimes they don't coincide, so you get combinations like 'heteroromantic homosexual', 'panromantic asexual', 'biromantic heterosexual', etc.
It's just a way of adding more description to yourself to other people. ;3

Anyway, good luck with figuring everything out! It can be frustrating, but it's important to know and understand yourself better because then you can feel more comfortable with being, well, you! If you have any more questions or need help- ask away! (And my message box is always open! ;D)

 

It's funny, I posted a topic concerning my feelings and questioning my orientation, and I came across this topic and I can pretty much relate to the whole "feeling ambivalent towards men" statement. i.e., Some of my male friends love to work out and waltz around shirtless and it's just like "Okay, cool. You work out."

If your college has an LGBT group/club you can always check it out, maybe meet some people who have been in a similar spot and have a place to discuss your feelings openly. I'd personally keep talking to your friend Cody. He seems like he's willing to support you and help you out; he might know other gay/biseuxal/lesbian/etc people too.

Good luck with figuring everything out. I wish the best for you.