Can you know if you are a lesbian without having had sex with a woman?I kissed a girl back when I was 18, but I've only been with men. I think I am a lesbian because the difference between my attraction to women vs men is startling. Just a fantasy about a woman does more for me than a guy ever could. All of my sexually themed dreams involve women. When I am in a store, I only notice the women. Is this enough to confirm my sexual orientation?
Could you elaborate more on the differences between your feelings for men and women? Because I'm sort of in the same situation as you. I can't seem to figure myself out either.
I am kind of grossed out by boy parts. I want to get the penetration part of sex over with as fast as possible. The times I feel attracted to a guy, it seems like it is more their personality and not their body. I always notice women. The one time I kissed a woman was magical and I remember it so well. Her soft skin, her lips, how she tasted, her smell. For a long time I tried to not look at women in a sexual way, but as soon as I let myself, I couldn't stop noticing them.
If you are emotionally/romantically, and or sexually attracted to women then you are a lesbian. I'm not sure if you have heard of the Kinsey scale, but I'm about a 4.5-5, so predominately homosexual. But I still find some men attractive, but that's about it. I'm not naturally drawn to men like I am towards women. I get extremely nervous around women and I'm a bit overly friendly towards them as well. I think you should give yourself time to figure things out. There's no rush to label yourself; I gained the confidence to call myself a lesbian once I turned 25, which hasn't been that long. For so long, I didn't care for labels because I felt restricted. Just embrace your feelings and follow your heart.
Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I am a solid 5 and maybe a 6. I see guys that I think are well put together, but it feels like how one would look at art.
I do find some men attractive, but it is more of an admiration. I love how some men dress in suits, and color coordinate their shoes, clothes and hats. Then again, I wouldn't mind dressing like them. You sound very confident, which is great. Are you ready to take the next step and date a woman? It's a huge step, but it was such an amazing feeling being out in public with a beautiful woman. I felt so lucky to have her.
Sounds like you're just aesthetically attracted to men, not sexually. Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, can tell when a person is attractive, but that doesn't mean you're actually sexually attracted to them. Also, yes, you can know you're a lesbian even if you haven't had sex with a woman yet. For example, straight virgin males know they're straight. I mean, imagine asking every single straight virgin male "how do you know you're straight if you haven't had sex with a woman yet?" It's a ridiculous question. Like, in our society, if a 10 yr old boy has a crush on a girl, everyone accepts that he's straight and no one questions it. But if, say, a 10 yr old girl were to say she had a crush on another girl, people would chime in saying "You're too young to know your sexuality! You're just confused! Too young! etc etc." The double standard is glaringly obvious.
I really want to start dating soon, but I am scared. Scared of rejection and how I feel. I am still getting used to how intense these feelings I have towards women are. I was looking around at a dating site and I saw this beautiful woman. She is 2 years older, but we are so alike. I considered paying the sign up fee just so I could talk to her. Dating men wasn't scary. I just wait till someone hit on me and then decided if they were worth my time. This is all so different. The double standard is so sad. That is what I figured, but I thought I'd get some opinions just in case. Thank you.
I'd say that you just need to put yourself out there, as hard as it may seem, the last piece of the puzzle that's missing is the experience. Go get 'em! And I have to say, I would probably categorize myself as a hetero-romantic lesbian. I like thinking about the relationship part of being with guys, you know, the sweet stuff.... but when i think about girls, I want everything, the relationship included. There are so many variations of sexuality. Don't feel rushed or pressured to choose a category or a box to fit yourself in. Don't try to confine yourself. It's okay if you don't know.
I'll keep my answer simple. Yes you CAN know you're a lesbian without sleeping with women. Listen to your heart and attractions, you'll find your path. (*hug*)
Thanks everyone. I joined 2 days ago, but I already feel so much better about the little nagging questions I had.
Yes, EC has become a safe haven for me. Especially, when I did not feel comfortable asking my friends/family certain questions because I felt like they would not understand. There are a few free dating sites out there that are legit, unfortunately I cannot list them. I've met some amazing women and we are still friends even after things did not workout. How about you try going to a gay club? I had such an amazing time when I went, and I felt so comfortable. You should give it a try, even though it took me an entire year to work up the courage to go.
I am planning on trying to make it to a gay club this week. I have a thread in the general area (I think) about what to wear. I wasn't sure if I should wear a skirt or what. I'm a bit of an introvert. It has been great being on this site. I am amazed at the sense of community.
You definitely don't need to have sex with a woman to know. It's all about paying attention to your feelings. I've never had sex with anyone, but I can tell I wouldn't like it.
It sounds like you could have a very fulfilling relationship with a girl! Let yourself love women. You might be bisexual, tilted toward the lesbian end, which is totally fine. And yeah, you can definitely tell without having sex with women. Feelings are feelings and love is love and desire is desire.
I think I need to just chill out. I can't plan and figure everything out. I am going to go to a bar and flirt and stuff. Hopefully dance some, but I know I have to have that emotional connection to really be sexually attracted to someone.
good luck with your journey i've recently come to terms with my sexuality and made sense of all my feelings and such. it makes so much sense now why I never asked guys out because I only found them cute in the way you get crushes in fourth grade. ah fourth grade was so carefree..
It is funny some of the things I look back on and think...I can't believe I didn't realize how gay I am! I text/tell my husband and friend about some of the funnier ones.
If my personal experience is any grain of salt, I'd say you're a lesbian. I like guys as friends and I can tell when any person is attractive, but it's the actual feeling you get when you're around a member of either gender that should determine which team you play for. Your heart will tell you more than experience can. Accept everything you are and fly out the proverbial open window.
