Well I'm this 17 year old dude. I might be into guys but i don't really know...As far as I know, I'm into women. For most of my life, I always had crushes on girls around me. Around a year ago, due to smart old me, I told a girl who i have a crush on (who might be lesbian) that I'm bi. and one night i thought to myself "why not?" and jerked off to a guy jacking off. Eventually I started to get into gay porn. I visualised myself as the bottom. I started to read gay erotica. And now its gotten to the point where when I watch straight porn, I visualise myself as the woman. I honestly don't know what to think. idk if i can see myself in a gay relationship. but honestly the only thing back that would be deal breaker is probably the social stigma and how my parents would see me. I honestly don't know what to think. I'm proper confused right now. Help.
Hullo! Yup, sounds like cause for some confusion. First off, remember that porn isn't always a good indicator of orientation - I'm super partial to guy on guy, but I'm big into chicks. However, there isn't a terribly large number of straight guys that are into gay porn, and the porn combined with your confession to your crush could suggest that maybe you like guys a little. So, what compelled you to tell your crush that you were bi? Were you trying to impress her, or were you seeking some sort of recognition? Back when I thought I was straight, I jokingly implied that I was bisexual, and later realized I wasn't joking at all. I also constantly brought up the topic of gay marriage, just to test the waters and see who would disown me if I came out. I didn't realize that this was connected to my sexual feelings for chicks, though. Anyway, as long as you're still attracted to girls you could just lie low and call it bisexual - and then if anything changes, revise the label accordingly. From your post you sound kinda bi to me, but who knows.
You still haven't said what lead you to identifying as bi... and are you watching gay porn, reading erotica, fantasizing, etc just to confirm your theory? "I'm a bi guy so I must do these things"? And why do you assume she's a lesbian without her telling you first? There are plenty of straight men who have same sex fantasies and plenty of straight men who watch gay porn, many have admitted this, and there are much weirder kinks out there for every specific type of person. Perhaps you're just into anal sex, or submissive positions, or voyeurism. Yes, a few gay men do imagine themselves as the woman in straight porn and/or focus on the man alone, but others try to imagine themselves as the other sex to get a better of what they're experiencing and what pleases them. Some people "have" to feel involved to be aroused, and many slash and fanfiction writers readily admit this, too. Anyway, take it from me, arousal is in no way to determine orientation, and many young men of both camps are raging with hormones and able to get an erection at the drop of a hat. It's easy to get caught up in the many labels on a site like EC, so I say, judge your own experiences first. Before calling yourself "bi" who did you fantasize over, who did you crush on, who did you notice? If you don't feel ready to embrace "bi", possibly give yourself more time, experience, and soul searching. Others can give you advice, but the truth ultimately comes down to you, regardless of whether or not it inconveniences you or others.
I'd go with Grave on this. It took several months for me to realize I was bisexual. My situation could be different, but I just know it took awhile. For me, I never had to look at gay porn (still haven't) or read any gay erotica. Even then, it was harder, because though I find people attractive, I don't get hard by looking at them (well, I've never looked a promiscuous photos of others). That has just been my experience and I'd say to just think over it with yourself. Can you imagine yourself dating another man? My process in discovering my sexuality was a bit different because I had a friend along with me through it. Just give it time. Honestly, I feel like it's one of those things you just 'know.' For awhile I was always tentative saying "I think I like both." Now I'm at the point "I know I'm bisexual."
