Hi everyone, I've been confused about my sexuality for what seems like my whole life. I used to identify as bi when I was younger and now at 30, I consider myself unlabelled. I have been with both women and men in relationships and have never fully been satisfied. I am sexually aroused when I see a nude woman but I do not like having sex with them if that makes sense. Nothing about sexual activity with a woman arouses me. Its more of a been there, done that kind of thing. When I am with them I pretend I am with a man to "get off" so to speak. However, I am very emotionally attracted to women. I seem to latch onto women very easily and need to have a very close relationship with one. My feelings for men are a bit more complicated; I am very sexually attracted to guys, I love the sex, the intimacy, the butterflies, everything. One thing that is missing though is the glue to hold the relationship. Once the newness of the relationship is over I tend to get bored and sex is the only thing that I want from the person. I hate to think I am homoromantic heterosexual, cause that would just suck. Something about a relationship with a man just doesn't seem to sit right with me. Anyone else like this?
Why would that orientation necessarily 'suck'? It simply means with women you'd seek a romantic relationship and with men you'd might be more open to a sexual relationship. They aren't diametrically opposed, and despite what it may seem, not all relationships need revolve around sexual activity or the prospects of sexual activities. Many who identify with a romantic attraction but not a sexual one go on to form healthy relationships, and I see no reason that it would be any different with you for men, if that's what you chose.
I think you could most definitely still consider yourself bisexual. Your attraction towards men/women does not have to be the same. I've been kinda questioning myself again and now, that I'm getting older. I want the house with the white picket fence and I'd love to get married eventually. I already have kids, but I'd love to have more. For me, I feel how you feel about men, but about women. It just seems like I'm still holding out to meet the right man, which is crazy. But whenever I've been with a guy, I wished he was a woman, so it is very confusing. I think you should really think long and hard about what you think is missing from your relationships with men. It seems like it may be the emotional aspect, which is something you can only develop towards women. And without that, then a relationship is most definitely doomed to fail. That seemed to be a huge problem for me, plus I do not care to have sex with men. And at this point of your life, I'm sure you'd wish you had everything figured out. But our sexuality isn't black or white, there's tons of gray area/sexual fluidity. There's actually a thread about sexual fluidity that you should check out. I'm on my phone atm, so I can't pull it up to give you the link. I'm no expert, so just take your time to figure things out.
Thanks for answers guys. You're right adhoc that a relationship does not need to relove around sex, but sex is really important to me and women just don't do it for me anymore sexually. Men on the other hand are great in the beginning but as they get closer I feel really really uncomfortable. As a teen I would date a lot of bad boys, but I would end up really hurt when they used me. I feel like what would work best for me is a relationship with a girl but having sex with men on the side. But I really don't want that, I mean I just want a family...not people on the side...sorry I hope I'm making sense.
